So I guess my "final thoughts on doin' good in the 'hood" were not really my final thoughts. I also thought that my blogging days were over and was semi-excited about it, and yet, here I sit..back at it. (The great thing, however, is that this time I am back at home-base for all great computer work: Panera Bread) The days since coming home have presented a new set of challenges, frustrations, realizations, and a certain amount of mayonaise, all of which I could live without. But, in an effort to continue to effectively process the experience as a whole, and to help rid myself of some cognitive disonance, the blog lives on.
For starters, there are some good things about being home.
1. Good Coffee! I was thrilled on Saturday to have Ericka pick me up and take me directly to Panera so Paul could hook us up with coffee that wasn't gross. And then, I may have come again later that day with my dad...because I am nuts about Panera. On top of that, I have had good coffee in Ithaca twice this week - nothing really tops the Milky Way at Stella's. Despite the obvious health detriments, it is good stuff and I am grateful to have my caffiene situation remedied.
2. I am glad to be back in closer proximity to my family and friends. It was good to see them/you after such a beastly week. I am grateful for time with my family, quality de-briefing time with my field supervisors from school, and am excited for more family/friend time this weekend.
3. As much as this will also fall under the "challenges" about being home list, I am semi-excited to start tackling the "what now?" question. I have about a million things to get started on and people to talk to and projects to be working on in order to keep the momentum going, so that is helpful.
There are others, but now, challenges...
1. Everybody Here White - Now, when I was in New Orleans, you may remember one of the kids in the program saying this to me, which was really odd because I could count the number of white people I saw in a day on one hand usually. And as confusing and strange and (sometimes) uncomfortable as it was to have been in such an extreme racial minority for a week, I sort of got used to it, and in a lot of situations, sort of forgot about my whiteness/their blackness after a while. And, even though it was sort of awkward, the awkwardness became comfortable, and I appreciated that stretching element of the trip. But now, everybody here, pretty much, really is white. And it's wierd. I am continuing to struggle with the balance between celebrating our differences - racial and otherwise - without turning them into something that divides us.
2. Licking Mayonaise - First, mayo is disgusting, so no - I have not been licking mayonaise. But, yesterday before heading to coach, I had some free time and, in an effort to take better care of myself mentallly, I figured I'd just watch t.v. for a bit instead of doing something productive. Since I don't have real cable, my options were limited to c-span and the Tyra Banks show. So, I watched Tyra Banks pay a man $10 to lick mayonaise, then pay a woman $10 to lick the 4th floor men's room plunger. Really?! (I sometimes wonder why I admit to these things online..) But, sitting there watching it, besides being absolutely disgusted by mayonaise and plungers and the fact that people will lick them for $10, I had an "oh shoot" sort of moment. I spent last week doing and learning and growing so much, that to come back is always tough becuase, even if you are doing something other than watching people lick gross things on t.v., you feel like you are significantly less productive than you had previously been. And that sucks.
3. "Getting It" - This falls, I guess, halfway between the "good things" list and the "challenges" list. It is always difficult after experiences such as last week to talk to people about it because, even with all the time and a huge vocabulary, it is still hard to communicate to others what you experienced and were challenged by. Additionally, when people have not been adequately prepped to deal with some of those challenges (ie: the fact that it is widely believed that levees were bombed to hurt the poor-who are primarily black, and save the rich, who are primarily white), they are less than thrilled to talk with you about it or to hear it. So, that is the frustrating part. However, the "good things" part of this is two-fold. First, having the blog for people to help experience things as I did, so there is a reference point for post-trip conversations, has been really helpful. Second, I cannot say enough how thankful I am for my field coordinator and supervisor who (have both been to New Orleans in the same area and "get it") have both had ridiculously long meetings with me this week to help me process and make sense of the week, and helped me find ways to answer the "what now?"
And..the "what now?" As I figured, one of the biggest challenges and frustrations about coming back is the "what now" question about what to do with what I have learned and how to keep the momentum going. Here are a couple of ways I am answering that, and I am totally open to some more (s'more?) if you have them.
-More Writing! After coming home I contacted a few journals - both Christian-based and Social Work-based about writing an article for them, which would be a really meaningful way for me to be able to share with others. On a side note, I am not entirely sure that I can condense anything into 1500-2500 words..puh-lease.
-VAN! - One thing I did while I was there was take a sort of informal assessment of how LKNB could continue serving St. John's and their community and it quickly became obvious that additional transportation for their programming would be beneficial and safer for all involved. We don't have any concrete plans yet about what we (LKNB) are going to do, but rest assured, I would love your support in the future in making this happen.
-Turtled in New Orleans v2.0? I am considering going back this fall for round two, this time to focus on the HIV/AIDS program. I had some incredible learning experiences in the short time I worked in that program during this trip, but I think some of the unsettling feelings that I have now are due to that stone being only partially overturned. As "oh shoot" of a moment as it was to sit with people waiting to hear their status, it was really powerful and it is really important work, especially in a community that doesn't quite understand the virus and how to deal with it.
-Commitment to Continuance - Although I am not entirely sure I will be able to continue growing in leaps and bounds in some of the ways I did while i was there, I don't want to lose momentum of the things I have started to think about, so bring on the reading, movies, music, and experiences that will continue to make me uncomfortable and make me think. I am always taking multi-media suggestions for this (and because I choose terrible movies to watch anyway...).
I guess that is all for now. There might be more, and if/when I go again and/or we have a more concrete transportation project plan, I will update on how people can contribute to that.
And, again, thanks to everyone for bearing with me during this week and continuing to help me work through things...
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
Final Thoughts on "Doin' Good in the 'Hood"
So operation “Turtled in New Orleans” is just about over. As I write this, I am thousands of feet above the muddy waters of the Mississippi, flying home. It has been a whirlwind, that’s for sure. Before commenting anymore on the trip as a whole, a rundown of last night’s and today’s activities…
Yesterday after writing, I walked back “home” to find Deborah cooking another delicious meal – tortellini with a shrimp and crab alfredo sauce – DELICIOUS. I told her after my first bite that I would probably be back next week just so I could have more of her cooking. We ate an early dinner since Bruce was out late and then headed out for a sort of sightseeing and storytelling drive. First we headed to the Mississippi River – the first time in my travels here that I have seen it. It was right around sunset, so it was really pretty. It was also a nice reminder that even amidst the poverty, abuse, violence, and hurricane trauma experienced in the community, there is still potential for peace. It was like a physical reminder of God’s movement through the city.
After the river, we headed over to the lakefront and the area around the 17th Street Canal. In the days after Katrina, Lake Ponchartrain (the bridge across which is 26 miles – MARATHON!?) rushed over the break walls, flooding the area around it terribly. We drove past some of the boathouses by the shore and it was, as always, incredible to see how some look brand new and others look like the storm hit last week. After the lake, we drove down through the garden district, continuing our dinner conversation on diversity, racism, and other related issues. She shared with me a few stories about race-based crimes and other antics that she and the community have experienced and we talked about different stereotypes people hold and the danger presented by those stereotypes. As part of our drive – a shout-out to the “under 30” club from my January NOLA trip – we drove past the grille where I ate free chips and watched a championship Saints game in January. Ahh, nostalgia. After that, we headed over to the home of one of the church members we had visited on Sunday to drop of some puzzles and just check in with her. Then, we headed “home” to see Bruce and talk with him over his dinner.
Over dinner, we had a great conversation, talking about life, God, New Orleans, and sharing stories from years past. They told me all about the camp’s old van, “The Heatbuster” and how, due to malfunctioning doors, Bruce once ran over a kid. It was okay – just dusted him off, fed him, and sent him on his way. Our story time last night was one of those times when no one could stop laughing and it was great. I shared with them some of what I have pondered and learned this week, and they (maybe not knowing I will probably take them up on it) told me to come back anytime, and someday I hope I will.
I spent one last day at the camp program with the kids today. Nothing too exciting, only learning that sometimes 5 year olds really just shouldn’t get to use scissors. We did our usual academic work this morning which was mostly a color-cut-paste extravaganza of entertainment. Then, we had a little more outside time to play and take pictures before heading in for lunch. After lunch was mostly some down time, the teenage workers getting into a fight, and cleaning up for the next week of camp. I went back “home” at the end of the day, got my stuff packed and now, here I am heading to New York.
At the beginning of the trip when I sat in the Philly airport, I really had no idea what to expect. I had tried to coordinate some plans for the work I would be doing ahead of time but planning in New Orleans looks different than planning in New York sometimes. I knew that I would be challenged by a lot of class, race, and diversity issues and situations, but had no idea what it would look like, what I would learn, or where/how I would get these lessons. Because I didn’t know what to expect, I also did not really know what to hope for. I hoped that I would survive, learn a little something, and have some fun, but those are pretty general.
It’s funny because, at the beginning of the week, I was really out of place. I didn’t actually know Pastor Bruce or Deborah very well at all, and they didn’t know me either. It took a few days for us to get used to each other and really start talking, but, as my mom predicted in another post’s earlier comment, I think I made some friends for life. Even though I think really I am the one who benefitted most from all of this, it felt really good to hear Pastor Bruce tell me I had “earned my stripes” and that he was proud of me for surviving the week. But really – he and Deborah – they LIVE this all the time, so I am just really humbled to have shared life with them for the week. They are a huge part of why this “total immersion” turtling experience was what it was. They opened up their home, their hearts, and their lives – the good, the bad, and the ugly – to me, an almost total stranger, talking candidly with me about their experience living in such a troubled area, growing up in the projects, surviving Katrina and so much more, and for all of that, I am really grateful. I am sure that having come down with other people, or known more going into it, or done a little more play/less work, would have made all of this a little less challenging, but I think the level of challenge and learning was right in sync with what I needed and was ready for.
When I decided to use the turtle analogy with the blog title to help orient myself and my faithful readers to my experience, I mostly used it because I thought it had potential to be the right metaphor and because I like sailing and though it was clever. I think it turned out to be just the right sort of analogy. I definitely found myself entirely immersed into the culture, life, joys, and struggles of the community where I lived and worked for the week. And, it happened in such a way that I was very much out of my element, often disoriented, and constantly seeking ways to make peace with what I experienced. When you turtle a sailboat, the key part is to swim around the boat quickly, locate the daggerboard, which goes through the bottom of the boat, and grab it. Once you grab the daggerboard, you pull down on it with all of your weight then wait a few moments until your weight counter-balances the weight of the boat, flipping it upright again. In another this-would-only-come-from-Kristen’s-brain kind of connection, I have related a little bit this week to one of everyone’s favorite YouTube videos – David After the Dentist. (If you haven’t seen it, minimize the blog and watch it quick.) Mostly, he is really disoriented and doesn’t exactly know what’s going on. The part with which I most identify is the part where he throws his hands up in the air and asks “is it gonna be like this forever?” And sometimes, that’s where I am at right now. Am I always going to see the world the way that I saw it in New Orleans, or was that due to a heightened sense of engagement due to the circumstances of the experience? Am I always going to feel like there are hot coals under my feet and get squeamish if I am in one place for too long? And maybe – will I be honored enough to continue to be blessed by God in a way that allows me to travel hundreds or thousands of miles from home, meet incredible people, share life with them, and be changed by what we do together?
So many questions, and so few answers, but an overwhelming sense of peace as I leave the city that I continue to be so captivated by and head home for the next round of great adventures. While I am still not entirely sure what to DO with all that I have learned, considered, experienced, seen, and done this week, I can definitely say that I have found my daggerboard and gotten the boat upright again. Thank you again for taking the time to read my blog and to share in my turtling experience as you have considered and been challenged by some things this week; and again for all of your prayers and your support – it was really by the grace of God through people in my life that I was able to experience and survive this week of “doin’ good in the ‘hood.”
Yesterday after writing, I walked back “home” to find Deborah cooking another delicious meal – tortellini with a shrimp and crab alfredo sauce – DELICIOUS. I told her after my first bite that I would probably be back next week just so I could have more of her cooking. We ate an early dinner since Bruce was out late and then headed out for a sort of sightseeing and storytelling drive. First we headed to the Mississippi River – the first time in my travels here that I have seen it. It was right around sunset, so it was really pretty. It was also a nice reminder that even amidst the poverty, abuse, violence, and hurricane trauma experienced in the community, there is still potential for peace. It was like a physical reminder of God’s movement through the city.
After the river, we headed over to the lakefront and the area around the 17th Street Canal. In the days after Katrina, Lake Ponchartrain (the bridge across which is 26 miles – MARATHON!?) rushed over the break walls, flooding the area around it terribly. We drove past some of the boathouses by the shore and it was, as always, incredible to see how some look brand new and others look like the storm hit last week. After the lake, we drove down through the garden district, continuing our dinner conversation on diversity, racism, and other related issues. She shared with me a few stories about race-based crimes and other antics that she and the community have experienced and we talked about different stereotypes people hold and the danger presented by those stereotypes. As part of our drive – a shout-out to the “under 30” club from my January NOLA trip – we drove past the grille where I ate free chips and watched a championship Saints game in January. Ahh, nostalgia. After that, we headed over to the home of one of the church members we had visited on Sunday to drop of some puzzles and just check in with her. Then, we headed “home” to see Bruce and talk with him over his dinner.
Over dinner, we had a great conversation, talking about life, God, New Orleans, and sharing stories from years past. They told me all about the camp’s old van, “The Heatbuster” and how, due to malfunctioning doors, Bruce once ran over a kid. It was okay – just dusted him off, fed him, and sent him on his way. Our story time last night was one of those times when no one could stop laughing and it was great. I shared with them some of what I have pondered and learned this week, and they (maybe not knowing I will probably take them up on it) told me to come back anytime, and someday I hope I will.
I spent one last day at the camp program with the kids today. Nothing too exciting, only learning that sometimes 5 year olds really just shouldn’t get to use scissors. We did our usual academic work this morning which was mostly a color-cut-paste extravaganza of entertainment. Then, we had a little more outside time to play and take pictures before heading in for lunch. After lunch was mostly some down time, the teenage workers getting into a fight, and cleaning up for the next week of camp. I went back “home” at the end of the day, got my stuff packed and now, here I am heading to New York.
At the beginning of the trip when I sat in the Philly airport, I really had no idea what to expect. I had tried to coordinate some plans for the work I would be doing ahead of time but planning in New Orleans looks different than planning in New York sometimes. I knew that I would be challenged by a lot of class, race, and diversity issues and situations, but had no idea what it would look like, what I would learn, or where/how I would get these lessons. Because I didn’t know what to expect, I also did not really know what to hope for. I hoped that I would survive, learn a little something, and have some fun, but those are pretty general.
It’s funny because, at the beginning of the week, I was really out of place. I didn’t actually know Pastor Bruce or Deborah very well at all, and they didn’t know me either. It took a few days for us to get used to each other and really start talking, but, as my mom predicted in another post’s earlier comment, I think I made some friends for life. Even though I think really I am the one who benefitted most from all of this, it felt really good to hear Pastor Bruce tell me I had “earned my stripes” and that he was proud of me for surviving the week. But really – he and Deborah – they LIVE this all the time, so I am just really humbled to have shared life with them for the week. They are a huge part of why this “total immersion” turtling experience was what it was. They opened up their home, their hearts, and their lives – the good, the bad, and the ugly – to me, an almost total stranger, talking candidly with me about their experience living in such a troubled area, growing up in the projects, surviving Katrina and so much more, and for all of that, I am really grateful. I am sure that having come down with other people, or known more going into it, or done a little more play/less work, would have made all of this a little less challenging, but I think the level of challenge and learning was right in sync with what I needed and was ready for.
When I decided to use the turtle analogy with the blog title to help orient myself and my faithful readers to my experience, I mostly used it because I thought it had potential to be the right metaphor and because I like sailing and though it was clever. I think it turned out to be just the right sort of analogy. I definitely found myself entirely immersed into the culture, life, joys, and struggles of the community where I lived and worked for the week. And, it happened in such a way that I was very much out of my element, often disoriented, and constantly seeking ways to make peace with what I experienced. When you turtle a sailboat, the key part is to swim around the boat quickly, locate the daggerboard, which goes through the bottom of the boat, and grab it. Once you grab the daggerboard, you pull down on it with all of your weight then wait a few moments until your weight counter-balances the weight of the boat, flipping it upright again. In another this-would-only-come-from-Kristen’s-brain kind of connection, I have related a little bit this week to one of everyone’s favorite YouTube videos – David After the Dentist. (If you haven’t seen it, minimize the blog and watch it quick.) Mostly, he is really disoriented and doesn’t exactly know what’s going on. The part with which I most identify is the part where he throws his hands up in the air and asks “is it gonna be like this forever?” And sometimes, that’s where I am at right now. Am I always going to see the world the way that I saw it in New Orleans, or was that due to a heightened sense of engagement due to the circumstances of the experience? Am I always going to feel like there are hot coals under my feet and get squeamish if I am in one place for too long? And maybe – will I be honored enough to continue to be blessed by God in a way that allows me to travel hundreds or thousands of miles from home, meet incredible people, share life with them, and be changed by what we do together?
So many questions, and so few answers, but an overwhelming sense of peace as I leave the city that I continue to be so captivated by and head home for the next round of great adventures. While I am still not entirely sure what to DO with all that I have learned, considered, experienced, seen, and done this week, I can definitely say that I have found my daggerboard and gotten the boat upright again. Thank you again for taking the time to read my blog and to share in my turtling experience as you have considered and been challenged by some things this week; and again for all of your prayers and your support – it was really by the grace of God through people in my life that I was able to experience and survive this week of “doin’ good in the ‘hood.”
Thursday, July 15, 2010
"Everybody Here White"
So minus the fact that I lost my phone this afternoon and am sort of freaking out about it, okay maybe a lot freaking out about it, today actually wasn't too overwhelming or exciting, which is probably good because yesterday so so intense and again, the phone. But, here we go...
[If you didn't read Wednesday's blog, please do. I had to write it on Word last night and post it this afternoon because the day was sooo packed that there was no cafe time in the schedule. We didn't even eat dinner until past my bedtime.]
I headed over to the camp this morning, sort of hoping for an easier day. When I got there, the kids had just finished breakfast so we did some academic stuff for a little while - ohh letter flashcards, then some coloring before going outside for a bit. A lot of the same observations - the kids really struggle with effective ways of getting what they want. There are a few in particular who just start this whining cry sort of thing when they don't get what they want and there was quite a bit of that going on today. We went back in and read a few books before an early lunch. It was during this time that I got today's title. Out of nowhere, one of the kids looks at me and goes "everybody here white." Now, some of them are not the best at anunciating their words and it was so out of nowhere, and made so little sense that I looked at her and said "what?" To which she repeated "everybody here white." Now, if you have not yet gathered-everybody there definitely isn't white. The only white people around during the day are myself, a woman here for a few weeks also connected through Ithaca and LKNB, and another young woman my age who is here for the year, but from Ithaca. Other than that, the 98% white statistic still rings true. Mostly, it was just a sort of entertaining and random saying from a kid who hadn't really put much thought into what she was saying. But, as I have been reflecting on race issues some this week, I read into it a little more than that. Last night when we were talking, Bruce and I talked about the white/black blend in the area, or lackthereof. It was interesting because he said he was really grateful for anyone who could be a good influence in the kids lives, and that it was good for the kids to learn early on that not all white people are out to get them. So, even though she really wasn't thinking when she said it, it was just another reminder of the odd circumstance of my whiteness in this very dark-skinned community and continued turning my brain over with thoughts about how much and why that even matters. But really - tell me if Jesus sees black and white when he sees things like this...
After lunch - Pool time! Now, you haven't truly lived unless you have jumped in a very full inner city pool. Haha. Kids EVERYWHERE. We have a lot of little kids and a lot that can't swim, so we took tons of little kid inflatable rings and swimmies (remember those!?) and hoped for the best. One of the kids, who is supercute and has a real good nature to him, played with me for most of the time. I let him jump off me, swung him around, and pretty much burnt off the amount of calories in the huge cookie I am eating at the cafe right now. Again, if it were just me, despite the million degree heat, I probably wouldn't have found the city pool to be the height of excitement for an activity, but a lot of the kids don't get out a lot, and they had fun. Also, with my ridiculous amount of time having been spent in the pool growing up, I think swimming is a really necessary skill for kids to have, and every tool that we can give these kids is just one more rung in the ladder that will get them up into a good life. I hope so at least, and I guess if I didn't believe that, I wouldn't be here in the first place. When swimming was over, we went back to the camp and (while I was searching semi-frantically for my long-lost phone) the kids got dressed then headed home. That was pretty much the day in a nutshell.
Thoughts on the day...not a ton like yesterday..but a few.
First - What I really want to do is go to Panera bread and have Paul make me a coffee that isn't gross. I am not really that picky when it comes to coffee - all I want is a drink that tastes more like chocolate than coffee. But here, every drink I have gotten is gross.
Next - While sitting in the million degree heat today waiting to leave after losing my phone, I realized how grateful I am for the people who have been my support system while I have been here. I was thinking some about it last night too and realized that if I tried to name everyone, I wouldn't be able to, especially because all of this has been a long-time coming and a lot of people have helped me get to a place where I was ready - tangibly and personally - to really take in all of this, experience it, be challenged by it, and learn from it. I just know that I have been really blessed by having a family that supports my antics traveling everywhere whenever I suddenly up and decide God wants me to go, and a school program with staff and an internship supervisor who have really gone the extra mile setting up this internship for me and agreeing to let me go 1300 miles from home, to the middle of a big, troubled city, to live and work with people I hardly know. I know that I have changed and learned more than I even will realize for a long time, and am really humbled by it and grateful for it.
Lastly, for now - the big frustration that I am dealing with now is two-fold but related. First, I don't know what to DO with all of this. I mean, it is good for others to read, appreciate, and learn from my musings on the blog, but I have been totally changed, and am seeing the world in a way very different from how I have seen it before. I have learned a lot of really important lessons, and started asking some really difficult and complex questions. All of this is good, but now what? I think we all learn these things about people and God and life when the timing and situation is right, but then what? I don't know and it is annoying.
Second, as I am already thinking about leaving tomorrow, I HATE the ending of experiences like this, and am sure that the let-down at the end of this one will be far more severe than many others. I remember when I came back to school from Katrina Relief round #1 in Mississippi and just feeling really empty. I remember thinking to myself "last week I did work that helped 10 people get back into their homes, and this week I am sitting in class learning history dates I will never remember. Why am I even here right now?" It was really difficult for a few weeks go from a place of feeling like "Yea! I am using my life well" to the mundane schedule of classes again. And now, I am going home after having learned and experienced so much, and even though I have been overwhelmed, it has been really good. Although, in a very cliche way, I am sure I have gained more from this trip than I have given, I think I have done some good work here, and I am going to miss really effective love time with people when I get home. I guess, if nothing else, (and I can't believe I am saying this) it is going to be really good motivation for me to really put an honest effort into my schoolwork, including reading the articles and textbook assignments well, doing a little extra research, and allowing myself to be engaged as I integrate my street-smarts and my book-smarts to make this social work thing work out. I am sure the flight home tomorrow will bring some more thoughts..and maybe a plan to figure out how/when to work out the "Turtled in Haiti" experience...
For now... It is only a little after 5:00pm, NOLA time, and because we are often on the non-plan plan here, God only knows what is in store for later...
[If you didn't read Wednesday's blog, please do. I had to write it on Word last night and post it this afternoon because the day was sooo packed that there was no cafe time in the schedule. We didn't even eat dinner until past my bedtime.]
I headed over to the camp this morning, sort of hoping for an easier day. When I got there, the kids had just finished breakfast so we did some academic stuff for a little while - ohh letter flashcards, then some coloring before going outside for a bit. A lot of the same observations - the kids really struggle with effective ways of getting what they want. There are a few in particular who just start this whining cry sort of thing when they don't get what they want and there was quite a bit of that going on today. We went back in and read a few books before an early lunch. It was during this time that I got today's title. Out of nowhere, one of the kids looks at me and goes "everybody here white." Now, some of them are not the best at anunciating their words and it was so out of nowhere, and made so little sense that I looked at her and said "what?" To which she repeated "everybody here white." Now, if you have not yet gathered-everybody there definitely isn't white. The only white people around during the day are myself, a woman here for a few weeks also connected through Ithaca and LKNB, and another young woman my age who is here for the year, but from Ithaca. Other than that, the 98% white statistic still rings true. Mostly, it was just a sort of entertaining and random saying from a kid who hadn't really put much thought into what she was saying. But, as I have been reflecting on race issues some this week, I read into it a little more than that. Last night when we were talking, Bruce and I talked about the white/black blend in the area, or lackthereof. It was interesting because he said he was really grateful for anyone who could be a good influence in the kids lives, and that it was good for the kids to learn early on that not all white people are out to get them. So, even though she really wasn't thinking when she said it, it was just another reminder of the odd circumstance of my whiteness in this very dark-skinned community and continued turning my brain over with thoughts about how much and why that even matters. But really - tell me if Jesus sees black and white when he sees things like this...
After lunch - Pool time! Now, you haven't truly lived unless you have jumped in a very full inner city pool. Haha. Kids EVERYWHERE. We have a lot of little kids and a lot that can't swim, so we took tons of little kid inflatable rings and swimmies (remember those!?) and hoped for the best. One of the kids, who is supercute and has a real good nature to him, played with me for most of the time. I let him jump off me, swung him around, and pretty much burnt off the amount of calories in the huge cookie I am eating at the cafe right now. Again, if it were just me, despite the million degree heat, I probably wouldn't have found the city pool to be the height of excitement for an activity, but a lot of the kids don't get out a lot, and they had fun. Also, with my ridiculous amount of time having been spent in the pool growing up, I think swimming is a really necessary skill for kids to have, and every tool that we can give these kids is just one more rung in the ladder that will get them up into a good life. I hope so at least, and I guess if I didn't believe that, I wouldn't be here in the first place. When swimming was over, we went back to the camp and (while I was searching semi-frantically for my long-lost phone) the kids got dressed then headed home. That was pretty much the day in a nutshell.
Thoughts on the day...not a ton like yesterday..but a few.
First - What I really want to do is go to Panera bread and have Paul make me a coffee that isn't gross. I am not really that picky when it comes to coffee - all I want is a drink that tastes more like chocolate than coffee. But here, every drink I have gotten is gross.
Next - While sitting in the million degree heat today waiting to leave after losing my phone, I realized how grateful I am for the people who have been my support system while I have been here. I was thinking some about it last night too and realized that if I tried to name everyone, I wouldn't be able to, especially because all of this has been a long-time coming and a lot of people have helped me get to a place where I was ready - tangibly and personally - to really take in all of this, experience it, be challenged by it, and learn from it. I just know that I have been really blessed by having a family that supports my antics traveling everywhere whenever I suddenly up and decide God wants me to go, and a school program with staff and an internship supervisor who have really gone the extra mile setting up this internship for me and agreeing to let me go 1300 miles from home, to the middle of a big, troubled city, to live and work with people I hardly know. I know that I have changed and learned more than I even will realize for a long time, and am really humbled by it and grateful for it.
Lastly, for now - the big frustration that I am dealing with now is two-fold but related. First, I don't know what to DO with all of this. I mean, it is good for others to read, appreciate, and learn from my musings on the blog, but I have been totally changed, and am seeing the world in a way very different from how I have seen it before. I have learned a lot of really important lessons, and started asking some really difficult and complex questions. All of this is good, but now what? I think we all learn these things about people and God and life when the timing and situation is right, but then what? I don't know and it is annoying.
Second, as I am already thinking about leaving tomorrow, I HATE the ending of experiences like this, and am sure that the let-down at the end of this one will be far more severe than many others. I remember when I came back to school from Katrina Relief round #1 in Mississippi and just feeling really empty. I remember thinking to myself "last week I did work that helped 10 people get back into their homes, and this week I am sitting in class learning history dates I will never remember. Why am I even here right now?" It was really difficult for a few weeks go from a place of feeling like "Yea! I am using my life well" to the mundane schedule of classes again. And now, I am going home after having learned and experienced so much, and even though I have been overwhelmed, it has been really good. Although, in a very cliche way, I am sure I have gained more from this trip than I have given, I think I have done some good work here, and I am going to miss really effective love time with people when I get home. I guess, if nothing else, (and I can't believe I am saying this) it is going to be really good motivation for me to really put an honest effort into my schoolwork, including reading the articles and textbook assignments well, doing a little extra research, and allowing myself to be engaged as I integrate my street-smarts and my book-smarts to make this social work thing work out. I am sure the flight home tomorrow will bring some more thoughts..and maybe a plan to figure out how/when to work out the "Turtled in Haiti" experience...
For now... It is only a little after 5:00pm, NOLA time, and because we are often on the non-plan plan here, God only knows what is in store for later...
Fieldtrips, and Ferry Rides, and HIV tests, Oh My!
Before getting to today’s (Wednesday's)entry, after I finished yesterday, I walked “home” from the café, and noticed the scene below. For those of you who haven’t seen your share of post-Katrina NOLA pictures, after the storm, rescue workers had to go through the city and surrounding areas searching for people – both living and dead. They would spraypaint a T on the house with a set of numbers in each part of the T. One was the date the home was visited; another was the rescue department that had done the search; another was the number of people or bodies found; and the last was for pets. Even in homes that have been entirely re-built on the inside, the spraypainted T can still be seen on the front of the house. They are a constant reminder to residents of the frightening, painful, and traumatic experience of Katrina; a reminder of all that they lost. This picture, for example is one of the houses I see on my walk to the cafe:
The picture below,however, is the very essence of why this city has captivated me for years. If a picture is worth a thousand words, I think this one could write a book.
To say that today was overwhelming would be an understatement. It was by far the most busy, challenging, overwhelming, stressful, thought-provoking day yet. Again, not at all a complaint, because it was not beyond what I was ready for or could handle, but dang, I am tired. So, as usual, the run-down on the day’s many activities and then some thoughts…
I started out the day again at the summer camp program. We did just a little bit of academic work this morning before heading downtown to..THE PUBLIC LIBRARY! Anyone who knows me well knows my fondness for public libraries – books for FREE! (okay, taxes and the fines I accumulate make it less than free, but still, it’s a nice idea in theory) We went for an hour-long presentation by a reptile guy from the Audobon Zoo (which I visited in January) and he showed snails, lizards, a snapping turtle, and an alligator. The kids were actually really well behaved and sat pretty well even though the guy did a lot of talking. It was nice because you never know how much these kids get out to see the world beyond their front door, and I like out-of-the-ordinary treats that tell the kids that they are loved and that someone wants them to have some joy in their lives.
The library was followed by a ride on the ferry across the big Mississippi River. Honestly, not terribly exciting as an outing, but it was cool to go across the river and, again, good to do something extra with the kids that they might not normally get to do. After that we drove around for a long time in very crowded, hot vehicles for lunch. The plan was to go to Taco Bell, (Bean burritos!) but one was closed for remodeling, then the next one too, so we just went to Wendys. (Renee – had a frosty with chocolate chip cookie dough..like college all over again..minus a pot and cheese grater.) After a long time at Wendys – feeding 25+kids and a pile of adults takes a long time – we headed back to the program house for the kids to get picked up. No swimming because of the spur of the moment field trip on the ferry and crazy time getting lunch, but all in all, not a bad way to spend the day with some pretty great kids.
After the kids left, I headed next door to the HIV/AIDS outreach program building. I sat with Pastor Bruce for a bit learning all about the HIV tests that they do, the statistics for HIV/AIDS in the community, and more. The program offers free HIV testing, information, and all the condoms a person could ever really need – with more varieties than I ever knew existed. So, while we were talking, a guy came in to get condoms and asked for an HIV test. He agreed to let me sit in, understanding that I was learning about the program. Then, while we were waiting for that guy’s results to come back (The test takes about 20 minutes), another one came in. We finished with the first guy and then I sat in for another. When they both had left, Pastor Bruce and I talked some more about different outreach programs they do and trends that he is seeing with HIV/AIDS in the community. When we were done with that, I got picked up and drove around town for some errands with Deborah on our way to the evening’s “Hour of Power” church time.
Now, all week Deborah has shared with me the stories of many people in the church and camp programs – struggles their families face both related to Katrina and otherwise. But today, driving to church, she shared her own story with me. Pointing ahead of us while driving, she said “see 610 (the interstate) up there? That’s where we were.” Then, for the next half hour or so, I just sat while she shared with me all about having to decide to leave her home; about being saved by her neighbor who had a boat and took her to the bridge; about going for hours without food or water; and about the inner sadness and pain she dealt with as she rode off the bridge to safety on a bus, while watching many others left behind. Because her story was unsolicited, I felt really honored that she felt safe and wanted to share it with me. We were heading to church, so she stopped when she was ready but we talked more on the way back to the house and while she cooked dinner later this evening. We talked about how it has been for her getting back to New Orleans and still living in a half-finished home; and about struggles she faced in the months after the storm and how she shared similar, but more pronounced, fears when we drove through the flooded streets on Sunday. When Bruce got home, we had dinner together (Red Beans and Rice!) and talked more about the HIV/AIDS issues and a little more before bedtime.
So, it was quite a day. A full day, a blessed day, a tough day, and a growing day for sure. Thoughts, again in no particular order...
The two biggest things for me today were the HIV experience and hearing Deborah’s story.
I had known HIV/AIDS outreach was part of the church’s ministry and had known when I got here that I might be doing some work with them this week. However, there is a huge difference between passing out some condoms or literature, and sitting in a room with a person who is waiting to find out if he is HIV positive. HUGE difference. This is made especially true by the fact that, as I learned from Bruce, many of the cases they see in the program are people who already have the disease at the AIDS stage because they just don’t understand HIV, don’t think it could happen to them, or aren’t ready to face the music. So, the likelihood that I could have witnessed someone getting that news today was huge. And there are no time-outs, no do-overs, no script. It just is what it is – positive or negative and that’s that. It’s weird because so often in our lives, especially my own, we are able to plan for things. We know when something challenging might arise, or how we anticipate something might turn out, and we prepare ourselves for it. But this was different, partly because it is all such a major thing, and partly because there was no plan or script – you read the test when the client did, no advance notice or heads-up. The great thing about the program here is that, if a person does test positive, there are supports in place to help him/her get medication, doctor referrals, counseling, and whatever supplies they need to prevent transmitting the disease to others. Additionally, a positive HIV test isn’t a death sentence, especially if someone finds out early and has access to medical support and care, so part of working with people is to help them understand that life can go on after those test results. I don’t know that HIV/AIDS testing or counseling work is in my future, but it was a good experience to put myself in a vulnerable place with a client, to understand the suspense and anxiety that is a part of that process.
Now, Deborah’s story. I don’t really even know where to start with this one – what details to share, what odd analogies I can come up with to communicate how it felt to hear it, but we’ll give it a try. A lot of the factual information about it was not terribly surprising to me because of things I already knew about Katrina and how things were handled for people after the storm. But again, it is always different when you know someone who was separated from her family, stranded on that bridge, and was not given any food for hours and hours. As she told me about her experience, priority number one was just to be present, really present, especially considering that it was information I hadn’t asked for, but that she was offering on her own. I think just being an ear to listen, to a person who usually is taking in so much trouble from others who need her, was helpful for her. It just is odd because hearing her story about Katrina seemed somehow different than other stories I have heard from people about difficult experiences in their own lives. Perhaps this is just because it is the first story that has really been shared with me since I have been seeing the world a little differently, but I don’t know. What I do know is that after we talked, and finished the conversation at dinner, I felt an odd sense that I needed to hold onto her story very carefully. Now, work with me here because I know it sounds odd – for starters, there isn’t anything tangible to hold onto. And, there is a difference between carefully holding onto the story of another person and holding onto it in a way that weighs you down. In this case, it is definitely the former, as though some piece of her human experience has been entrusted to me and I have this overwhelming need to be gentle with it. This is part of the reason I have not really included it here; it isn’t my piece of history to give to someone else, and I almost think people would be better off gathering stories on their own rather than just taking in mine. If, however, you are interested in some Katrina stories “When the Levees Broke,” a documentary by Spike Lee is a film that will be a great place to start.
I am exhausted, and tomorrow promises to be another (insert adjective I have probably used too much in this blog here) day, so I think that is all for now. Again, both of the two major things on which I have chosen to comment for today are quite heavy things that still need some process and peacemaking time, so there may be further thoughts on them in the next few updates…we’ll see. As always, thank you for your continued diligence to reading my very long blogs, for your support, and prayers.
The picture below,however, is the very essence of why this city has captivated me for years. If a picture is worth a thousand words, I think this one could write a book.
To say that today was overwhelming would be an understatement. It was by far the most busy, challenging, overwhelming, stressful, thought-provoking day yet. Again, not at all a complaint, because it was not beyond what I was ready for or could handle, but dang, I am tired. So, as usual, the run-down on the day’s many activities and then some thoughts…
I started out the day again at the summer camp program. We did just a little bit of academic work this morning before heading downtown to..THE PUBLIC LIBRARY! Anyone who knows me well knows my fondness for public libraries – books for FREE! (okay, taxes and the fines I accumulate make it less than free, but still, it’s a nice idea in theory) We went for an hour-long presentation by a reptile guy from the Audobon Zoo (which I visited in January) and he showed snails, lizards, a snapping turtle, and an alligator. The kids were actually really well behaved and sat pretty well even though the guy did a lot of talking. It was nice because you never know how much these kids get out to see the world beyond their front door, and I like out-of-the-ordinary treats that tell the kids that they are loved and that someone wants them to have some joy in their lives.
The library was followed by a ride on the ferry across the big Mississippi River. Honestly, not terribly exciting as an outing, but it was cool to go across the river and, again, good to do something extra with the kids that they might not normally get to do. After that we drove around for a long time in very crowded, hot vehicles for lunch. The plan was to go to Taco Bell, (Bean burritos!) but one was closed for remodeling, then the next one too, so we just went to Wendys. (Renee – had a frosty with chocolate chip cookie dough..like college all over again..minus a pot and cheese grater.) After a long time at Wendys – feeding 25+kids and a pile of adults takes a long time – we headed back to the program house for the kids to get picked up. No swimming because of the spur of the moment field trip on the ferry and crazy time getting lunch, but all in all, not a bad way to spend the day with some pretty great kids.
After the kids left, I headed next door to the HIV/AIDS outreach program building. I sat with Pastor Bruce for a bit learning all about the HIV tests that they do, the statistics for HIV/AIDS in the community, and more. The program offers free HIV testing, information, and all the condoms a person could ever really need – with more varieties than I ever knew existed. So, while we were talking, a guy came in to get condoms and asked for an HIV test. He agreed to let me sit in, understanding that I was learning about the program. Then, while we were waiting for that guy’s results to come back (The test takes about 20 minutes), another one came in. We finished with the first guy and then I sat in for another. When they both had left, Pastor Bruce and I talked some more about different outreach programs they do and trends that he is seeing with HIV/AIDS in the community. When we were done with that, I got picked up and drove around town for some errands with Deborah on our way to the evening’s “Hour of Power” church time.
Now, all week Deborah has shared with me the stories of many people in the church and camp programs – struggles their families face both related to Katrina and otherwise. But today, driving to church, she shared her own story with me. Pointing ahead of us while driving, she said “see 610 (the interstate) up there? That’s where we were.” Then, for the next half hour or so, I just sat while she shared with me all about having to decide to leave her home; about being saved by her neighbor who had a boat and took her to the bridge; about going for hours without food or water; and about the inner sadness and pain she dealt with as she rode off the bridge to safety on a bus, while watching many others left behind. Because her story was unsolicited, I felt really honored that she felt safe and wanted to share it with me. We were heading to church, so she stopped when she was ready but we talked more on the way back to the house and while she cooked dinner later this evening. We talked about how it has been for her getting back to New Orleans and still living in a half-finished home; and about struggles she faced in the months after the storm and how she shared similar, but more pronounced, fears when we drove through the flooded streets on Sunday. When Bruce got home, we had dinner together (Red Beans and Rice!) and talked more about the HIV/AIDS issues and a little more before bedtime.
So, it was quite a day. A full day, a blessed day, a tough day, and a growing day for sure. Thoughts, again in no particular order...
The two biggest things for me today were the HIV experience and hearing Deborah’s story.
I had known HIV/AIDS outreach was part of the church’s ministry and had known when I got here that I might be doing some work with them this week. However, there is a huge difference between passing out some condoms or literature, and sitting in a room with a person who is waiting to find out if he is HIV positive. HUGE difference. This is made especially true by the fact that, as I learned from Bruce, many of the cases they see in the program are people who already have the disease at the AIDS stage because they just don’t understand HIV, don’t think it could happen to them, or aren’t ready to face the music. So, the likelihood that I could have witnessed someone getting that news today was huge. And there are no time-outs, no do-overs, no script. It just is what it is – positive or negative and that’s that. It’s weird because so often in our lives, especially my own, we are able to plan for things. We know when something challenging might arise, or how we anticipate something might turn out, and we prepare ourselves for it. But this was different, partly because it is all such a major thing, and partly because there was no plan or script – you read the test when the client did, no advance notice or heads-up. The great thing about the program here is that, if a person does test positive, there are supports in place to help him/her get medication, doctor referrals, counseling, and whatever supplies they need to prevent transmitting the disease to others. Additionally, a positive HIV test isn’t a death sentence, especially if someone finds out early and has access to medical support and care, so part of working with people is to help them understand that life can go on after those test results. I don’t know that HIV/AIDS testing or counseling work is in my future, but it was a good experience to put myself in a vulnerable place with a client, to understand the suspense and anxiety that is a part of that process.
Now, Deborah’s story. I don’t really even know where to start with this one – what details to share, what odd analogies I can come up with to communicate how it felt to hear it, but we’ll give it a try. A lot of the factual information about it was not terribly surprising to me because of things I already knew about Katrina and how things were handled for people after the storm. But again, it is always different when you know someone who was separated from her family, stranded on that bridge, and was not given any food for hours and hours. As she told me about her experience, priority number one was just to be present, really present, especially considering that it was information I hadn’t asked for, but that she was offering on her own. I think just being an ear to listen, to a person who usually is taking in so much trouble from others who need her, was helpful for her. It just is odd because hearing her story about Katrina seemed somehow different than other stories I have heard from people about difficult experiences in their own lives. Perhaps this is just because it is the first story that has really been shared with me since I have been seeing the world a little differently, but I don’t know. What I do know is that after we talked, and finished the conversation at dinner, I felt an odd sense that I needed to hold onto her story very carefully. Now, work with me here because I know it sounds odd – for starters, there isn’t anything tangible to hold onto. And, there is a difference between carefully holding onto the story of another person and holding onto it in a way that weighs you down. In this case, it is definitely the former, as though some piece of her human experience has been entrusted to me and I have this overwhelming need to be gentle with it. This is part of the reason I have not really included it here; it isn’t my piece of history to give to someone else, and I almost think people would be better off gathering stories on their own rather than just taking in mine. If, however, you are interested in some Katrina stories “When the Levees Broke,” a documentary by Spike Lee is a film that will be a great place to start.
I am exhausted, and tomorrow promises to be another (insert adjective I have probably used too much in this blog here) day, so I think that is all for now. Again, both of the two major things on which I have chosen to comment for today are quite heavy things that still need some process and peacemaking time, so there may be further thoughts on them in the next few updates…we’ll see. As always, thank you for your continued diligence to reading my very long blogs, for your support, and prayers.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Birthdays, Boogers, and Beavers
Here I am again in this well-decorated, but less-than-panera-quality coffee shop to share with you today's adventures, lessons, and "musings." Today,as other New Orleans days have been, was a quality, fun, entertaining, and confusing adventure..if you didn't figure by the title.
First, a view from the upstairs front porch where I got to spend lots of reading, relaxing, and reflecting time last night...
Before I get into that, however, I have a few multi-media recommendations to make that I think will really enhance your understanding of what I am experiencing, feeling, and working through while I am here, and I want to put them in at the top because today's post is going to be mad long and probably make you uncomfortable (but hey - if I am riled up by all of this, why shouldn't you join me?) So, here they are.
1 - A song: "Give Me Your Eyes" by Brandon Heath. People, be careful what you might be wishing/praying for when you sing too loudly along with those Jesus songs in your car. Now, even if you are not a Jesus-loving person, I still recommend you YouTube this song, listen to the words and think about it. It is about a man asking God to have God's eyes for just one second in order to see the people of the world the way that God does - to see the need and pain that people live with, but also to have a heart so full of love that something bigger is able to overwhelm and overcome all that need and pain. Though I wouldn't ever go so far as to say I see the world the way God does, I think the words "give me your eyes so I can see everything that I've been missing" are really ringing true for me this week. In looking at some of the kids in the program where I am working, in a split second I can see so much of what they have grown up with, who they are, and the possibilities for all that they might become. It's really difficult to describe, and sometimes difficult to see when they are driving me a little nuts, but it is definitely a new way to see people. And, in reading "Savage Inequalities" (A book on race&class-based segregation and disparities in America's urban schools), I have seen how much of the world has written of kids like this, assuming that after they are behind a few reading levels in 3rd grade, they won't ever amount to anything. And yet, with kids who still don't know their alphabet by that age, I can still see them for what God might have created them to be, instead of what they cannot be. Again, difficult to explain, and still blowing my mind, but gosh, they are beautiful children. So, even if you aren't hoping to see the world this way, or don't have opportunity for it, find "Give Me Your Eyes" on YouTube and it might help bridge the gap between my experience and yours.
2- A Book: "Old Turtle and the Broken Truth" by Douglas Wood. First, a shoutout to Cheryl Galan and people I love at Camp Whitman who have introduced me to this book and helped me to see the beauty and truth that we can learn from children's books. Second, if you missed that - IT's A PICTURE BOOK, which means there's no reason not to read it. But, in short, it is a story about the love that abounds for all people, no matter who they are, where they came from, what they have or what they look like, or anything else. The most priceless, tear-jerking line in the whole book happens when a young girl returns from a long journey to see Old Turtle, and it says this: "But it had been a very long journey, and those who take great journeys of the heart are changed." And, especially within the context of the story, that's how I feel - changed, already. While this is one big piece of the puzzle and the change that I have noticed since beginning the MSW journey last year, I know that what I am learning and struggling with here are not lessons soon to be forgotten. I was talking with Ericka [thanks again for the pillow ;-)] last night and told her that, as overwhelming as this has sometimes been, I know that God is teaching me through it, and that He is changing me, and I am grateful for that.
Those are the recommendations for now..only 2, so I hope if you aren't familiar with either the song or the book, you will take some time to seek them out in the next few days. And now, on to the day's excitement! woo!
So, as the title implies - another adventure-filled day! I spent most of the day with the 4&5 year old class again. We had a much more effective academic time this morning, working on some letters and short words with the kids. It is sad to see already that some of the kids have such a hard time identifying letters and sounds, and even understanding the concept of what a letter is. But, it is early in their education still, and if you didn't gather from the info above, I am hopeful that there is still time for them to figure things out. After academic fun, we went outside, had a little chalk drawing fun, followed by my valiant, but pretty ineffective attempts to teach the kids how to throw a frisbee. Haha..where is Bill Furnas when I need him? But, it was a good time, and it is just good for them to get some fun and exercise in. After that was lunchtime, also smoother than yesterday. I was able to keep the kids a little calmer working on some letter flashcards for a bit until lunch was ready then..QUIET TIME! woo! We sort of managed to get most of the kids to chill out for a few minutes after lunch and relax, which was good because, as if you couldn't figure: Louisiana in July is HOT! And, a lot of the kids have been passing around this mad-nasty cold/booger virus like it is candy, and a little rest should do them good. Next highlight of the day - a Birthday! One of the kids in my class turned 3 today, and he is pretty much the cutest thing EVER.
I wanted you to see the picture first to be excited about it, but here is the sort of sad thing. When I asked the teacher, beacause he is a big kid, if he was really just 3, she said "yep, he made 3." He MADE it to age three. Tell me the last time you were surrounded by a group of kids where there was a question about whether or not they would make it to age three? Where their safety and state of being was so much in question that they may not make it to 3? Might be a bit of a culture thing, but based on some reading about other cities, this idea of "making it" to the next age, even when you're a child, is pretty common, especially in high-poverty, high-crime areas, and in a city like New Orleans where problems like gang violence and HIV/AIDS run rampant. Sad, but again - let's own and work on it instead of pretending it isn't happening...
So, we all had cake and ice cream to celebrate. Then, lots of people piled into a very hot van on a very hot day and went back to City Park to feed the ducks and play on the playgound. This is where the "beaver" part comes in. While feeding the ducks this VERY strange looking, giant-rat sort of thing swam over and was all up on the kids' bread. We stared at it for a few minutes, the kids insisting it was a beaver, even though it didn't have a beaver tale. Another guy over near the ducks told us it was called a "neutra." All I have to say is that I think my pet cat is just fine and the neutra can just stay in Louisiana. Fun to look at but sort of not a warm-fuzzy woodland creature.
After that, we piled back into the van, and sent home a lot of tired and sweaty little kids :). When the kids had left, I got to spend some time talking with Pastor Bruce about the HIV/AIDS outreach programs that he and a few others coordinate in the community. I think I am going to do outreach with them tomorrow, so I will save that info for the next post.
Now, the part you've all been waiting for--reflections!
In the "recommendations" part, I already included a lot of what has been on my mind, but here's the last set of thoughts for today. Please let yourself read it and be made uncomfortable by it, to see these thoughts and observations for what they are, and give yourself room to ask some difficult questions..
Today's topic: Race.
Now, the thing I haven't talked about at all yet, but has definitely been part of the experience is that my white self is spending a week living and working in an area of New Orleans that, at least before Katrina and probably still, was 98% black. And the odd thing about race is that it is so assumed that we must be politically correct in talking about it, that we sort of don't talk about it at all, and really, that doesn't help anyone. So, because it's my blog and I do what I want, I'm going to talk about it. There are a lot of ideas people hold when it comes to race, and none of them are things I am currently able to be at peace with. First, we like to feel good and pretend that "race doesn't matter," that we don't make judgements, assumptions, or decisions about people based on what color they are, and pretending that the color of our skin has no bearing on our character, our culture, or our experiences. Now, let's be honest, probably all of us assume and judge people sometimes based on "appearance" factors - whether it is skin color, size, age, ability, clothing, or whatever else. It isn't right, and often the assumptions we make are incorrect, but we do it. Social construction, if you will. So, though I am definitely realizing how much I do that and working towards doing it less here, it happens, so let's own it so that we can change it instead of ignore it. Doesn't that feel good? So this idea then would lead us to trying to understand the idea that you can't judge a book by it's cover and that, at our core, we are really all just people - equal in status and importance, who laugh at the same jokes, cry the same tears, etc. And that sounds nice too right? Wrong. The problem with this sort of approach is that it forgets cultural differences about each other that should be appreciated and celebrated. I mean, if we were all supposed to live, act, sing, worship, and enjoy life the same way, we wouldn't be different. Now, skin color is not the only thing that carries weight in who we are, and perhaps doesn't carry very much weight at all, but it's a part of it. So, then, if we don't want to jump to negative conclusions about people based on race, but we also don't want to patronize or neglect culture with cliche, lame sayings like "oh, we're all just people" then where is the balance that appreciates difference without making assumptions, judgments or decisions based on those differences? And, how can we live in a world of "differences" without them becoming "inequalities"? I think we can..but I don't know how...
That is mostly it for today. Tomorrow will be day 3 at the camp - SWIMMING DAY! in the afternoon, and then I should be doing some HIV outreach with that program. Thanks for sticking with me on this journey of difficult questions, rambling reflections, and very long blogs.
First, a view from the upstairs front porch where I got to spend lots of reading, relaxing, and reflecting time last night...
Before I get into that, however, I have a few multi-media recommendations to make that I think will really enhance your understanding of what I am experiencing, feeling, and working through while I am here, and I want to put them in at the top because today's post is going to be mad long and probably make you uncomfortable (but hey - if I am riled up by all of this, why shouldn't you join me?) So, here they are.
1 - A song: "Give Me Your Eyes" by Brandon Heath. People, be careful what you might be wishing/praying for when you sing too loudly along with those Jesus songs in your car. Now, even if you are not a Jesus-loving person, I still recommend you YouTube this song, listen to the words and think about it. It is about a man asking God to have God's eyes for just one second in order to see the people of the world the way that God does - to see the need and pain that people live with, but also to have a heart so full of love that something bigger is able to overwhelm and overcome all that need and pain. Though I wouldn't ever go so far as to say I see the world the way God does, I think the words "give me your eyes so I can see everything that I've been missing" are really ringing true for me this week. In looking at some of the kids in the program where I am working, in a split second I can see so much of what they have grown up with, who they are, and the possibilities for all that they might become. It's really difficult to describe, and sometimes difficult to see when they are driving me a little nuts, but it is definitely a new way to see people. And, in reading "Savage Inequalities" (A book on race&class-based segregation and disparities in America's urban schools), I have seen how much of the world has written of kids like this, assuming that after they are behind a few reading levels in 3rd grade, they won't ever amount to anything. And yet, with kids who still don't know their alphabet by that age, I can still see them for what God might have created them to be, instead of what they cannot be. Again, difficult to explain, and still blowing my mind, but gosh, they are beautiful children. So, even if you aren't hoping to see the world this way, or don't have opportunity for it, find "Give Me Your Eyes" on YouTube and it might help bridge the gap between my experience and yours.
2- A Book: "Old Turtle and the Broken Truth" by Douglas Wood. First, a shoutout to Cheryl Galan and people I love at Camp Whitman who have introduced me to this book and helped me to see the beauty and truth that we can learn from children's books. Second, if you missed that - IT's A PICTURE BOOK, which means there's no reason not to read it. But, in short, it is a story about the love that abounds for all people, no matter who they are, where they came from, what they have or what they look like, or anything else. The most priceless, tear-jerking line in the whole book happens when a young girl returns from a long journey to see Old Turtle, and it says this: "But it had been a very long journey, and those who take great journeys of the heart are changed." And, especially within the context of the story, that's how I feel - changed, already. While this is one big piece of the puzzle and the change that I have noticed since beginning the MSW journey last year, I know that what I am learning and struggling with here are not lessons soon to be forgotten. I was talking with Ericka [thanks again for the pillow ;-)] last night and told her that, as overwhelming as this has sometimes been, I know that God is teaching me through it, and that He is changing me, and I am grateful for that.
Those are the recommendations for now..only 2, so I hope if you aren't familiar with either the song or the book, you will take some time to seek them out in the next few days. And now, on to the day's excitement! woo!
So, as the title implies - another adventure-filled day! I spent most of the day with the 4&5 year old class again. We had a much more effective academic time this morning, working on some letters and short words with the kids. It is sad to see already that some of the kids have such a hard time identifying letters and sounds, and even understanding the concept of what a letter is. But, it is early in their education still, and if you didn't gather from the info above, I am hopeful that there is still time for them to figure things out. After academic fun, we went outside, had a little chalk drawing fun, followed by my valiant, but pretty ineffective attempts to teach the kids how to throw a frisbee. Haha..where is Bill Furnas when I need him? But, it was a good time, and it is just good for them to get some fun and exercise in. After that was lunchtime, also smoother than yesterday. I was able to keep the kids a little calmer working on some letter flashcards for a bit until lunch was ready then..QUIET TIME! woo! We sort of managed to get most of the kids to chill out for a few minutes after lunch and relax, which was good because, as if you couldn't figure: Louisiana in July is HOT! And, a lot of the kids have been passing around this mad-nasty cold/booger virus like it is candy, and a little rest should do them good. Next highlight of the day - a Birthday! One of the kids in my class turned 3 today, and he is pretty much the cutest thing EVER.
I wanted you to see the picture first to be excited about it, but here is the sort of sad thing. When I asked the teacher, beacause he is a big kid, if he was really just 3, she said "yep, he made 3." He MADE it to age three. Tell me the last time you were surrounded by a group of kids where there was a question about whether or not they would make it to age three? Where their safety and state of being was so much in question that they may not make it to 3? Might be a bit of a culture thing, but based on some reading about other cities, this idea of "making it" to the next age, even when you're a child, is pretty common, especially in high-poverty, high-crime areas, and in a city like New Orleans where problems like gang violence and HIV/AIDS run rampant. Sad, but again - let's own and work on it instead of pretending it isn't happening...
So, we all had cake and ice cream to celebrate. Then, lots of people piled into a very hot van on a very hot day and went back to City Park to feed the ducks and play on the playgound. This is where the "beaver" part comes in. While feeding the ducks this VERY strange looking, giant-rat sort of thing swam over and was all up on the kids' bread. We stared at it for a few minutes, the kids insisting it was a beaver, even though it didn't have a beaver tale. Another guy over near the ducks told us it was called a "neutra." All I have to say is that I think my pet cat is just fine and the neutra can just stay in Louisiana. Fun to look at but sort of not a warm-fuzzy woodland creature.
After that, we piled back into the van, and sent home a lot of tired and sweaty little kids :). When the kids had left, I got to spend some time talking with Pastor Bruce about the HIV/AIDS outreach programs that he and a few others coordinate in the community. I think I am going to do outreach with them tomorrow, so I will save that info for the next post.
Now, the part you've all been waiting for--reflections!
In the "recommendations" part, I already included a lot of what has been on my mind, but here's the last set of thoughts for today. Please let yourself read it and be made uncomfortable by it, to see these thoughts and observations for what they are, and give yourself room to ask some difficult questions..
Today's topic: Race.
Now, the thing I haven't talked about at all yet, but has definitely been part of the experience is that my white self is spending a week living and working in an area of New Orleans that, at least before Katrina and probably still, was 98% black. And the odd thing about race is that it is so assumed that we must be politically correct in talking about it, that we sort of don't talk about it at all, and really, that doesn't help anyone. So, because it's my blog and I do what I want, I'm going to talk about it. There are a lot of ideas people hold when it comes to race, and none of them are things I am currently able to be at peace with. First, we like to feel good and pretend that "race doesn't matter," that we don't make judgements, assumptions, or decisions about people based on what color they are, and pretending that the color of our skin has no bearing on our character, our culture, or our experiences. Now, let's be honest, probably all of us assume and judge people sometimes based on "appearance" factors - whether it is skin color, size, age, ability, clothing, or whatever else. It isn't right, and often the assumptions we make are incorrect, but we do it. Social construction, if you will. So, though I am definitely realizing how much I do that and working towards doing it less here, it happens, so let's own it so that we can change it instead of ignore it. Doesn't that feel good? So this idea then would lead us to trying to understand the idea that you can't judge a book by it's cover and that, at our core, we are really all just people - equal in status and importance, who laugh at the same jokes, cry the same tears, etc. And that sounds nice too right? Wrong. The problem with this sort of approach is that it forgets cultural differences about each other that should be appreciated and celebrated. I mean, if we were all supposed to live, act, sing, worship, and enjoy life the same way, we wouldn't be different. Now, skin color is not the only thing that carries weight in who we are, and perhaps doesn't carry very much weight at all, but it's a part of it. So, then, if we don't want to jump to negative conclusions about people based on race, but we also don't want to patronize or neglect culture with cliche, lame sayings like "oh, we're all just people" then where is the balance that appreciates difference without making assumptions, judgments or decisions based on those differences? And, how can we live in a world of "differences" without them becoming "inequalities"? I think we can..but I don't know how...
That is mostly it for today. Tomorrow will be day 3 at the camp - SWIMMING DAY! in the afternoon, and then I should be doing some HIV outreach with that program. Thanks for sticking with me on this journey of difficult questions, rambling reflections, and very long blogs.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Family, Stories, and Things to keep you awake at night...
So today isn't over yet, but I have internet access so am updating the blog while I can. This stuff is crazy. I spent the day at the summer day camp program run coordinated by St. John #5. (Which is just a few blocks from the Owens St. house I worked on in January!) It is housed in a double shot-gun house. For those who aren't familiar, a shotgun house is a house that is about as wide as a single car garage, and just goes back a couple of rooms. There are no hallways, it just goes from one room to the next through different doorways all the way back. The city is full of single and double shotgun houses, and our program is housed in a double. There are classrooms for 4&5 year olds, 1st&2nd graders, 3rd&4th graders, and older kids. I was in the 4&5 year old room today because there are a bunch of them and they are, to say the least, rambunctious. But also, endearingly cute, welcoming, and friendly. When I got there this morning, the kids had finished breakfast and were working on some academic things. A lot of schools in the city aren't what they should be, and kids will lose what they have learned during the summer if they don't get some reinforcement. We did a few counting worksheets, some letter flashcards, and then they sang songs for me, and reminded me why 4&5 year olds are just precious. After that was outside play time, which happens in the small front yard in front of the house. We played some frisbee, attempted a little jumprope, and one of the older guys tried to coordinate a little football in the street. We then came in for lunch, some stories, and then we packed a lot of people into the church's van and headed to City Park for ice cream. By the time we got back, it was time for the kids to head home. All in all, a crazy, but fun and enjoyable day. Now for some of that good "reflection" stuff people like...in no particular order, with no editing..
-Judgment: One of the things we talk about a TON at social work school is judgment. By our nature, most people think that the way we do things is the best way - obviously, or you wouldn't do it that way. So, even if we might be open to trying new things, or ways of doing something, generally, we like to do things our way and have a hard time really believing something else might work just as well. Related to this idea, we also talk a lot at school about the idea that people are experts of their own lives. All the textbook reading and schooling in the world will not tell me someone else's story or how to "fix" things in their life. Generally, even if people are ill-equipped, ill-prepared, or just not interested in making changes in their lives, they usually know how to work to make changes and solve their problems. All of this being said, today in particular was a day for me to work on my own open-mindedness. It is quite a nice, warm-fuzzy sort of thing to talk the talk about believing people to be their own experts and about being open- minded, but it is something totally different to actually engage in a day's activities without passing judgement or thinking about how things could or should be done differently. But alas, part of the reason I am here in the first place is to work on my social work "toolbelt." So, I decided VERY early on today that it was just going to be a day of participation. I observed what the other teachers in the program were doing and followed suit. Even with the endless amount of time I spent learning how to be a teacher - aquiring both academic and behavior management skills - I just followed suit, trying to trust the decisions and plan of the people running the program. At times, it was frustrating, because it is tough to get 4&5 year old kids to sit still, and there might have been something else we could do to pass the time or get them settled down, but mostly, it wasn't so bad. It was a sort of other-worldly experience to put yourself in a place where you just follow suit and go with the flow. This all was made especially true after having JUST spent a week in a place where I am totally in my element, know what is going on, and make programming decisions however I want.
However, despite some of the work it took to just let things go on without walking in as a presumptious person assuming I could do it better, it was a good day, and my letting go of controlling some of those things allowed me to think about some other stuff. For example, does it really matter how much structure or academic progress there is for the kids who are in the program? or do they really just need to know that they are safe and loved, the rest being icing on the cake? So, within the bounds of the program, I just spent the day loving on kids, having fun, and trying to get my bearings.
It's funny because I had figured this trip would be a little disorienting, hence again the title of the whole blog project in the first place. But dang, sometimes, as you might know, I am a control freak for schedules. I like datebooks at work, spreadsheets at camp, or at least some idea of what is happening each day. Today, and probably for the entire week, I have surrendered that, more because I had to than anything else. I think God enjoys it, but I don't. I am getting over it, but arriving at a program to help out today was challenging because I didn't really ever know what was going on. However, I am hopeful for tomorrow because, now that I at least have some sort of a clue about the kids, workers, and flow involved in the program, I might be able to have myself together enough to watch for the "teachable" and "social work" moments that might arise. (Process recording??)
In addition to my time with the kids today, there are some other things that I should share.
Katrina - First, I continue to be surprised, though I shouldn't be, that people are still so affected by Katrina and its aftermath. Everywhere we go around the city, they are still demolishing schools, housing projects, churches, and other buildings - some of which were damaged and haven't been rebuilt, and others just as lame political moves that I continue to be confused and angered about. As is often true, though, seeing these buildings go down has a lot more meaning when you get to know the people of whose lives they have been a part. People at the program today still are talking about difficulties they are having or did have with getting their home back together, and yesterday a woman talked about a man who died from the stress of trying to get back into his home again. He was working on it, but just couldn't take the stress of having no place to call home anymore. And yet, (and this is a huge reason why I am mesmorized by this city and its people), they are still here...working, serving, and getting things done.
Family-I heard one of the women today say that if Katrina-level flooding happened again, she wouldn't come back. A few others started to agree before saying that they would leave, but wouldn't know where to go. Families here are different than in upstate New York and probably a lot of other places. Often, families that live in poverty, as many New Orleanians do, are relatively transient. They do not stay connected with different generations and often move around from city to city. But here, it's different. Most of the people I have talked with have huge families, and are within a stone's throw of a family member's home. They get together often - and I am thinking that family connectedness is a big factor in people's ability to move on after things like Katrina. It seems as though every kid I met today was somebody's cousin, and every woman over 30 is "Auntie" someone. Even if they are not all blood relatives, it seems to create a close "it takes a village to raise a child" sort of community feeling. So, again - different sometimes is better if we can restrain our own ideas long enough to see someone else's.
-The Power of One-So here are some thoughts to challenge and keep you awake tonight. One of the things I continue to grapple with here is what I can do that will actually make a difference. I think sometimes it gets really overwhelming, especially in a city tearing down low income housing and now being plagued by this oil ridiculousness, to think about doing anything that matters. So what do I do? Become a politician, only not a terrible, immoral one like a lot of the politicians are here? But if I did that, A - I would not be able to wear gym shorts often enough, and B - I would again be someone coming in to "save the day" FOR someone, instead of working WITH someone to empower them to help themselves. I know that growing up my mom always told me I couldn't save the world, but just needed to do what I could in my corner of it. So, if we all did our part, then great things could happen. But, here's the other problem - social work school also tells me that it isn't my job to "fix" things FOR people, but to work with them to give them tools to make their own changes as they see fit. Additionally, one of the reasons that I started this blog business in the first place was to do my part to publicize and share the stories of people and a community that often feel and are forgotten, neglected, and misunderstood. But last night, I sort of had a revelation, that was good, I think, but sort of annoying because I am not entirely sure what to do with it. Here's the thing: Miss Audrey's story isn't my story to tell. It's hers. And maybe my job here isn't so much about telling other's stories to people that I know, but maybe it's just taking the time to hear someone else's story, and maybe, that's enough. Maybe it isnt - but what good is a nice, new, affordable place to live if you aren't emotionally stable to last for the long haul anyway? One of the things I have done some research and writing on is using Narrative Therapy, which is an approach to help people re-frame their experiences in strengths-based, less traumatizing ways. They still own their experiences, but it helps them to see it through another lense, ideally one that is a little more peaceful, and enables them to move forward. So, while I am trying to let some of these opportunities unfold organically, and watching for them when I am oriented enough to do so, I am hoping to get some time this week to really just sit and listen to stories, and hoping that in doing that, people are empowered and left with a little bit more peace.
All of that in mind, I'll head back to the summer camp program tomorrow I think, and am hoping to do some work with the HIV/AIDS outreach program that the church also coordinates. Now, if the camp program hasn't just about turtled me, I am quite sure the AIDS outreach will. But, your prayers and support are helpful and encouraging and I am grateful to know that I'm not on this journey entirely alone.
I think that is about it for today. Sorry if it is long, but the writing isn't for you, as much as it is for me and my processing...though I do appreciate that people are reading and commenting: ). I'm not really sure when I will be back to an internet-able location to update, but hopefully soon.
-Judgment: One of the things we talk about a TON at social work school is judgment. By our nature, most people think that the way we do things is the best way - obviously, or you wouldn't do it that way. So, even if we might be open to trying new things, or ways of doing something, generally, we like to do things our way and have a hard time really believing something else might work just as well. Related to this idea, we also talk a lot at school about the idea that people are experts of their own lives. All the textbook reading and schooling in the world will not tell me someone else's story or how to "fix" things in their life. Generally, even if people are ill-equipped, ill-prepared, or just not interested in making changes in their lives, they usually know how to work to make changes and solve their problems. All of this being said, today in particular was a day for me to work on my own open-mindedness. It is quite a nice, warm-fuzzy sort of thing to talk the talk about believing people to be their own experts and about being open- minded, but it is something totally different to actually engage in a day's activities without passing judgement or thinking about how things could or should be done differently. But alas, part of the reason I am here in the first place is to work on my social work "toolbelt." So, I decided VERY early on today that it was just going to be a day of participation. I observed what the other teachers in the program were doing and followed suit. Even with the endless amount of time I spent learning how to be a teacher - aquiring both academic and behavior management skills - I just followed suit, trying to trust the decisions and plan of the people running the program. At times, it was frustrating, because it is tough to get 4&5 year old kids to sit still, and there might have been something else we could do to pass the time or get them settled down, but mostly, it wasn't so bad. It was a sort of other-worldly experience to put yourself in a place where you just follow suit and go with the flow. This all was made especially true after having JUST spent a week in a place where I am totally in my element, know what is going on, and make programming decisions however I want.
However, despite some of the work it took to just let things go on without walking in as a presumptious person assuming I could do it better, it was a good day, and my letting go of controlling some of those things allowed me to think about some other stuff. For example, does it really matter how much structure or academic progress there is for the kids who are in the program? or do they really just need to know that they are safe and loved, the rest being icing on the cake? So, within the bounds of the program, I just spent the day loving on kids, having fun, and trying to get my bearings.
It's funny because I had figured this trip would be a little disorienting, hence again the title of the whole blog project in the first place. But dang, sometimes, as you might know, I am a control freak for schedules. I like datebooks at work, spreadsheets at camp, or at least some idea of what is happening each day. Today, and probably for the entire week, I have surrendered that, more because I had to than anything else. I think God enjoys it, but I don't. I am getting over it, but arriving at a program to help out today was challenging because I didn't really ever know what was going on. However, I am hopeful for tomorrow because, now that I at least have some sort of a clue about the kids, workers, and flow involved in the program, I might be able to have myself together enough to watch for the "teachable" and "social work" moments that might arise. (Process recording??)
In addition to my time with the kids today, there are some other things that I should share.
Katrina - First, I continue to be surprised, though I shouldn't be, that people are still so affected by Katrina and its aftermath. Everywhere we go around the city, they are still demolishing schools, housing projects, churches, and other buildings - some of which were damaged and haven't been rebuilt, and others just as lame political moves that I continue to be confused and angered about. As is often true, though, seeing these buildings go down has a lot more meaning when you get to know the people of whose lives they have been a part. People at the program today still are talking about difficulties they are having or did have with getting their home back together, and yesterday a woman talked about a man who died from the stress of trying to get back into his home again. He was working on it, but just couldn't take the stress of having no place to call home anymore. And yet, (and this is a huge reason why I am mesmorized by this city and its people), they are still here...working, serving, and getting things done.
Family-I heard one of the women today say that if Katrina-level flooding happened again, she wouldn't come back. A few others started to agree before saying that they would leave, but wouldn't know where to go. Families here are different than in upstate New York and probably a lot of other places. Often, families that live in poverty, as many New Orleanians do, are relatively transient. They do not stay connected with different generations and often move around from city to city. But here, it's different. Most of the people I have talked with have huge families, and are within a stone's throw of a family member's home. They get together often - and I am thinking that family connectedness is a big factor in people's ability to move on after things like Katrina. It seems as though every kid I met today was somebody's cousin, and every woman over 30 is "Auntie" someone. Even if they are not all blood relatives, it seems to create a close "it takes a village to raise a child" sort of community feeling. So, again - different sometimes is better if we can restrain our own ideas long enough to see someone else's.
-The Power of One-So here are some thoughts to challenge and keep you awake tonight. One of the things I continue to grapple with here is what I can do that will actually make a difference. I think sometimes it gets really overwhelming, especially in a city tearing down low income housing and now being plagued by this oil ridiculousness, to think about doing anything that matters. So what do I do? Become a politician, only not a terrible, immoral one like a lot of the politicians are here? But if I did that, A - I would not be able to wear gym shorts often enough, and B - I would again be someone coming in to "save the day" FOR someone, instead of working WITH someone to empower them to help themselves. I know that growing up my mom always told me I couldn't save the world, but just needed to do what I could in my corner of it. So, if we all did our part, then great things could happen. But, here's the other problem - social work school also tells me that it isn't my job to "fix" things FOR people, but to work with them to give them tools to make their own changes as they see fit. Additionally, one of the reasons that I started this blog business in the first place was to do my part to publicize and share the stories of people and a community that often feel and are forgotten, neglected, and misunderstood. But last night, I sort of had a revelation, that was good, I think, but sort of annoying because I am not entirely sure what to do with it. Here's the thing: Miss Audrey's story isn't my story to tell. It's hers. And maybe my job here isn't so much about telling other's stories to people that I know, but maybe it's just taking the time to hear someone else's story, and maybe, that's enough. Maybe it isnt - but what good is a nice, new, affordable place to live if you aren't emotionally stable to last for the long haul anyway? One of the things I have done some research and writing on is using Narrative Therapy, which is an approach to help people re-frame their experiences in strengths-based, less traumatizing ways. They still own their experiences, but it helps them to see it through another lense, ideally one that is a little more peaceful, and enables them to move forward. So, while I am trying to let some of these opportunities unfold organically, and watching for them when I am oriented enough to do so, I am hoping to get some time this week to really just sit and listen to stories, and hoping that in doing that, people are empowered and left with a little bit more peace.
All of that in mind, I'll head back to the summer camp program tomorrow I think, and am hoping to do some work with the HIV/AIDS outreach program that the church also coordinates. Now, if the camp program hasn't just about turtled me, I am quite sure the AIDS outreach will. But, your prayers and support are helpful and encouraging and I am grateful to know that I'm not on this journey entirely alone.
I think that is about it for today. Sorry if it is long, but the writing isn't for you, as much as it is for me and my processing...though I do appreciate that people are reading and commenting: ). I'm not really sure when I will be back to an internet-able location to update, but hopefully soon.
"Drop it like it's hot," Oreos, and more..
So my original plan for this trip was to come down today (Sunday) instead of yesterday, but when Mike insisted that the Sunday church service at St. John #5 would be a good experience, I swapped travel dates, and I’m glad I did. This morning was a lengthy, but great, worship experience, followed by an afternoon of visiting church members, a buffet dinner, and a visit with Deborah’s family. What is crazy to me is how many different things I can think about, realize, and understand in one day, and that, at the end of the day, I cannot figure out if I am taking steps toward understanding, or really just figuring out that I don’t actually know much at all. The following, in no particular order, are some realizations that I came to today while worshipping, visiting, and conversing.
The first thing I had a lot of time to think about today (church lasted a little over 2 hours…) was about God – who He is, what He is, how I see Him, and how vastly different my experience of Him is than some of those with whom I worshipped this morning. I have tried typing my thoughts out a few times, and realized that 1-it didn’t make much sense at all, and 2-sometimes it’s better to keep those thoughts to myself and let others continue on their own journey as God sees fit. At any rate, I am really grateful for a different type of worship experience, some new appreciation and understanding about God’s character, and that He is so committed to each of us. Maybe I will share some more when I can make more sense of it. Additionally, I enjoyed the following “Pastor Bruce-ism,” which I was given very specific instructions to share: “The kids today, when they dance, they want to drop it like it’s hot. If I tried to drop it like it’s hot, I might not get back up. Now the twist – that’s what I like. I do the twist, I be losing weight!”
So after church today, I rode all around the city with Pastor Bruce and Deborah visiting church members who couldn’t make it to the service. This brought on piles of conversations and thoughts to sift through.
First, while we were driving around there was a pretty bad thunderstorm. It didn’t last all afternoon, just a few hours really, but it was quite an experience. I was surprised how unsafe, frightened, and claustrophobic I felt, being surrounded by pouring rain in a city so infamous for immense flooding. As much as I disliked the experience, I tried to just let it be, and realized that if I, who had never been through anything close to a hurricane or flooding, could feel that nervous during a regular thunderstorm, then the amount of anxiety that others, especially children, must experience as a result of Katrina experiences, must be incredible. It’s odd because, for starters, so many people are disillusioned with the idea that the city is, or should be, rebuilt by now. But, it definitely isn’t and, even if it were, there is still so much emotional trauma and pain that people still cannot move on. The crazy part about all of this was that as soon as I had calmed down about the storm, we started driving through an area of the city that was really flooded. Cars were off the road, driving through a foot or more of water, and people were wading in water up to their knees. All this after just an hour or two of rain – what happens when another hurricane comes?
While we drove around this afternoon, the other issue that we talked about was housing. St. John #5 used to have a huge public housing development across the street, and many of the residents were active members in the church and benefitted from the programs of the church – HIV/AIDS prevention, summer day camp, GED, and more. However, after Katrina, the city officials closed the public housing developments, which were only really damaged on the first of 4 or 5 floors, and made the people leave. They tossed all of the people’s belongings into the street, put fences up around the developments, and later, destroyed them completely to replace them with “mixed income” housing. The old buildings were solid – brick, cinderblock, and plaster layered each wall. They withstood hurricane winds and most flooding. They were even solid enough to have damaged demolition tools during the process. Now, those units, which used to house thousands of low-income families, have been replaced by weak wooden structures, most of which are uninhabited and have rent levels too high for those in poverty to be able to pay. Yes, ladies and gentlemen – the high and mighty politicians of New Orleans are making it virtually impossible for people in poverty to have a safe, affordable place to live, thus perpetuating the cycles that politicians complain about – violence, drugs, and more poverty. Most of this I knew before I got here, but it is always different to see it in person and see how it affects people with names and faces.
Speaking of real people with names and faces, today was not entirely full of overwhelming, depressing, and frustrating things. After church today, going around to visit people, was definitely a highlight. I think one of the things I dislike about my own overly busy life is that I rarely have time to just sit and be with people. Yet, Bruce and Deborah, despite the fact that many people are pulling on them in every direction, find time to visit with church members every Sunday. We visited a few people who were too old and/or too sick to make it to church. A few were glad to present Pastor Bruce with a new package of Oreos, and to offer us a cold drink. It didn’t matter if we just sat and talked about the weather, or watched part of a movie with them; it just mattered that, for a while, they knew they had not been forgotten about, that they still mattered to someone. It was also great as we did these visits that people’s faces lit up when they heard the phrase “Love Knows No Bounds” or “Binghamton University Social Work.” Both organizations have really connected with the people here in a deep, meaningful way, that gives them joy and hope even in spite of the challenges they continue to face.
The last part of the day was at Pastor Bruce’s favorite buffet – full of New Orleans food, Chinese food, and whatever else you could imagine. As most of you know, I have grappled with vegan/vegetarian eating for quite some time now, and am more committed to people and sustainability than to a strict diet. Additionally, some of you know that I get some sick thrill out of eating crazy foods and “doing as the New Orleanians do.” So, here are the highlights of my dinner…
-Crab Rangoons with Red Sauce! (Ericka-I love you)
-Macaroni and cheese…lots of cheese (like I am a 5 year old..)
-Bananas with that red gooey sauce that no one can identify, but everyone loves
-Chocolate Ice Cream (lactose intolerant? Who is lactose intolerant?)
-CRAWFISH!!!(Also known as “crayfish” up north, and still had it’s eyes..which was a little odd..but delicious…the meat part, not it’s eyes…)
That is the day’s excitement and thoughts in a nutshell. After dinner we drove around a little, waving to pretty much everyone in town because Deborah knows pretty much everyone in town, and came back to the house just as the sun was setting. So much in just one day. I am a little excited and a little anxious to see what’s in store for tomorrow, but appreciate how this is changing me already.
The first thing I had a lot of time to think about today (church lasted a little over 2 hours…) was about God – who He is, what He is, how I see Him, and how vastly different my experience of Him is than some of those with whom I worshipped this morning. I have tried typing my thoughts out a few times, and realized that 1-it didn’t make much sense at all, and 2-sometimes it’s better to keep those thoughts to myself and let others continue on their own journey as God sees fit. At any rate, I am really grateful for a different type of worship experience, some new appreciation and understanding about God’s character, and that He is so committed to each of us. Maybe I will share some more when I can make more sense of it. Additionally, I enjoyed the following “Pastor Bruce-ism,” which I was given very specific instructions to share: “The kids today, when they dance, they want to drop it like it’s hot. If I tried to drop it like it’s hot, I might not get back up. Now the twist – that’s what I like. I do the twist, I be losing weight!”
So after church today, I rode all around the city with Pastor Bruce and Deborah visiting church members who couldn’t make it to the service. This brought on piles of conversations and thoughts to sift through.
First, while we were driving around there was a pretty bad thunderstorm. It didn’t last all afternoon, just a few hours really, but it was quite an experience. I was surprised how unsafe, frightened, and claustrophobic I felt, being surrounded by pouring rain in a city so infamous for immense flooding. As much as I disliked the experience, I tried to just let it be, and realized that if I, who had never been through anything close to a hurricane or flooding, could feel that nervous during a regular thunderstorm, then the amount of anxiety that others, especially children, must experience as a result of Katrina experiences, must be incredible. It’s odd because, for starters, so many people are disillusioned with the idea that the city is, or should be, rebuilt by now. But, it definitely isn’t and, even if it were, there is still so much emotional trauma and pain that people still cannot move on. The crazy part about all of this was that as soon as I had calmed down about the storm, we started driving through an area of the city that was really flooded. Cars were off the road, driving through a foot or more of water, and people were wading in water up to their knees. All this after just an hour or two of rain – what happens when another hurricane comes?
While we drove around this afternoon, the other issue that we talked about was housing. St. John #5 used to have a huge public housing development across the street, and many of the residents were active members in the church and benefitted from the programs of the church – HIV/AIDS prevention, summer day camp, GED, and more. However, after Katrina, the city officials closed the public housing developments, which were only really damaged on the first of 4 or 5 floors, and made the people leave. They tossed all of the people’s belongings into the street, put fences up around the developments, and later, destroyed them completely to replace them with “mixed income” housing. The old buildings were solid – brick, cinderblock, and plaster layered each wall. They withstood hurricane winds and most flooding. They were even solid enough to have damaged demolition tools during the process. Now, those units, which used to house thousands of low-income families, have been replaced by weak wooden structures, most of which are uninhabited and have rent levels too high for those in poverty to be able to pay. Yes, ladies and gentlemen – the high and mighty politicians of New Orleans are making it virtually impossible for people in poverty to have a safe, affordable place to live, thus perpetuating the cycles that politicians complain about – violence, drugs, and more poverty. Most of this I knew before I got here, but it is always different to see it in person and see how it affects people with names and faces.
Speaking of real people with names and faces, today was not entirely full of overwhelming, depressing, and frustrating things. After church today, going around to visit people, was definitely a highlight. I think one of the things I dislike about my own overly busy life is that I rarely have time to just sit and be with people. Yet, Bruce and Deborah, despite the fact that many people are pulling on them in every direction, find time to visit with church members every Sunday. We visited a few people who were too old and/or too sick to make it to church. A few were glad to present Pastor Bruce with a new package of Oreos, and to offer us a cold drink. It didn’t matter if we just sat and talked about the weather, or watched part of a movie with them; it just mattered that, for a while, they knew they had not been forgotten about, that they still mattered to someone. It was also great as we did these visits that people’s faces lit up when they heard the phrase “Love Knows No Bounds” or “Binghamton University Social Work.” Both organizations have really connected with the people here in a deep, meaningful way, that gives them joy and hope even in spite of the challenges they continue to face.
The last part of the day was at Pastor Bruce’s favorite buffet – full of New Orleans food, Chinese food, and whatever else you could imagine. As most of you know, I have grappled with vegan/vegetarian eating for quite some time now, and am more committed to people and sustainability than to a strict diet. Additionally, some of you know that I get some sick thrill out of eating crazy foods and “doing as the New Orleanians do.” So, here are the highlights of my dinner…
-Crab Rangoons with Red Sauce! (Ericka-I love you)
-Macaroni and cheese…lots of cheese (like I am a 5 year old..)
-Bananas with that red gooey sauce that no one can identify, but everyone loves
-Chocolate Ice Cream (lactose intolerant? Who is lactose intolerant?)
-CRAWFISH!!!(Also known as “crayfish” up north, and still had it’s eyes..which was a little odd..but delicious…the meat part, not it’s eyes…)
That is the day’s excitement and thoughts in a nutshell. After dinner we drove around a little, waving to pretty much everyone in town because Deborah knows pretty much everyone in town, and came back to the house just as the sun was setting. So much in just one day. I am a little excited and a little anxious to see what’s in store for tomorrow, but appreciate how this is changing me already.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Here We Go....
So here I find myself sitting in the Philadelphia airport, full of excitement, anticipation, and a slight anxiety (hoping that I make it out of the airport soon...), as I head back to New Orleans. I am going to spend the week working with a church that has partnered with my internship organization, Love Knows No Bounds, since Katrina struck the Gulf almost 5 years ago. Mostly, I think, I will be working with a summer day camp program coordinated by the church, and doing other outreach and "social work" sorts of things as the opportunity arises.
Since beginning my internship in May, or maybe even since beginning my MSW work this time last year, I have started to see the world in a drastically different way - not better, really or worse, just different. Thanks in part to some incredible teachers, books, and individuals, my eyes have been opened to a lot of the race and class issues that still overwhelm our country - in New York, New Orleans, and everywhere else. So, it is with this heightened sensitivity to these issues that I head back to New Orleans this week. I have spent time there before, but typically work trips involve little interaction with the local community and culture where you work. This week, however, will be quite different.
As I drove to class last week, knowing that I really needed to jump on the blogging bandwagon for the trip (both for reflection and sharing purposes), I figured that, if I am going to do it, it ought to at least have a decent, clever title. In addition to my love for New Orleans, I also love sailing, and had a few prime opportunities to do so during the past week. When we go sailing, if your sail gets too full, the waves get too big, or you just lose control, your boat might capsize - flip over onto it's side. Now, if you are quick and lucky, you can probably get around to the bottom of the boat, and flip it back up with out too much trouble. However, if you are slow and/or unlucky, the mast and sail will completely submerge in the water until the boat is entirely upside-town, or "turtled." It is both an invigorating an nervewracking experience to turtle a sailboat. There's a rush of life in the risk involved in being boatless for a few minutes, and it can rather disorienting. However, the disorientation isn't permanent; once you make sense of the circumstances, you can quickly and relatively easily re-orient yourself, get back in the boat, and be on your way.
I thought the title "Turtled in New Orleans" was appropriate because this week's experience is going to be one of "total immersion." I am going to live with the Pastor of the church and his wife, eat their food, love their people, laugh at their jokes, and share their tears. I am anticipating that it will be fun, frightening, eye-opening, disorienting, challenging, and much more, but that it will ultimately be an incredible growth experience. And, that in the end of it all, I will re-orient myself, with these experiences in mind, and come out of it all a little better equipped to do whatever it is that God has prepared for me to do.
So, I hope, first, that I can be maybe a bit more committed to this blog than I have been to others in the past. But also, that it will be a tool for me to share with you all of the things that challenge, inspire, disorient, change, and encourage me this week. I hope those who read it will be challenged, inspired, disoriented, changed, and encouarged by it, and that you will be prepared for authenticity that might be overwhelming. I hope that you will keep reading and keep praying for me through this experience.
Since beginning my internship in May, or maybe even since beginning my MSW work this time last year, I have started to see the world in a drastically different way - not better, really or worse, just different. Thanks in part to some incredible teachers, books, and individuals, my eyes have been opened to a lot of the race and class issues that still overwhelm our country - in New York, New Orleans, and everywhere else. So, it is with this heightened sensitivity to these issues that I head back to New Orleans this week. I have spent time there before, but typically work trips involve little interaction with the local community and culture where you work. This week, however, will be quite different.
As I drove to class last week, knowing that I really needed to jump on the blogging bandwagon for the trip (both for reflection and sharing purposes), I figured that, if I am going to do it, it ought to at least have a decent, clever title. In addition to my love for New Orleans, I also love sailing, and had a few prime opportunities to do so during the past week. When we go sailing, if your sail gets too full, the waves get too big, or you just lose control, your boat might capsize - flip over onto it's side. Now, if you are quick and lucky, you can probably get around to the bottom of the boat, and flip it back up with out too much trouble. However, if you are slow and/or unlucky, the mast and sail will completely submerge in the water until the boat is entirely upside-town, or "turtled." It is both an invigorating an nervewracking experience to turtle a sailboat. There's a rush of life in the risk involved in being boatless for a few minutes, and it can rather disorienting. However, the disorientation isn't permanent; once you make sense of the circumstances, you can quickly and relatively easily re-orient yourself, get back in the boat, and be on your way.
I thought the title "Turtled in New Orleans" was appropriate because this week's experience is going to be one of "total immersion." I am going to live with the Pastor of the church and his wife, eat their food, love their people, laugh at their jokes, and share their tears. I am anticipating that it will be fun, frightening, eye-opening, disorienting, challenging, and much more, but that it will ultimately be an incredible growth experience. And, that in the end of it all, I will re-orient myself, with these experiences in mind, and come out of it all a little better equipped to do whatever it is that God has prepared for me to do.
So, I hope, first, that I can be maybe a bit more committed to this blog than I have been to others in the past. But also, that it will be a tool for me to share with you all of the things that challenge, inspire, disorient, change, and encourage me this week. I hope those who read it will be challenged, inspired, disoriented, changed, and encouarged by it, and that you will be prepared for authenticity that might be overwhelming. I hope that you will keep reading and keep praying for me through this experience.
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