So I guess my "final thoughts on doin' good in the 'hood" were not really my final thoughts. I also thought that my blogging days were over and was semi-excited about it, and yet, here I sit..back at it. (The great thing, however, is that this time I am back at home-base for all great computer work: Panera Bread) The days since coming home have presented a new set of challenges, frustrations, realizations, and a certain amount of mayonaise, all of which I could live without. But, in an effort to continue to effectively process the experience as a whole, and to help rid myself of some cognitive disonance, the blog lives on.
For starters, there are some good things about being home.
1. Good Coffee! I was thrilled on Saturday to have Ericka pick me up and take me directly to Panera so Paul could hook us up with coffee that wasn't gross. And then, I may have come again later that day with my dad...because I am nuts about Panera. On top of that, I have had good coffee in Ithaca twice this week - nothing really tops the Milky Way at Stella's. Despite the obvious health detriments, it is good stuff and I am grateful to have my caffiene situation remedied.
2. I am glad to be back in closer proximity to my family and friends. It was good to see them/you after such a beastly week. I am grateful for time with my family, quality de-briefing time with my field supervisors from school, and am excited for more family/friend time this weekend.
3. As much as this will also fall under the "challenges" about being home list, I am semi-excited to start tackling the "what now?" question. I have about a million things to get started on and people to talk to and projects to be working on in order to keep the momentum going, so that is helpful.
There are others, but now, challenges...
1. Everybody Here White - Now, when I was in New Orleans, you may remember one of the kids in the program saying this to me, which was really odd because I could count the number of white people I saw in a day on one hand usually. And as confusing and strange and (sometimes) uncomfortable as it was to have been in such an extreme racial minority for a week, I sort of got used to it, and in a lot of situations, sort of forgot about my whiteness/their blackness after a while. And, even though it was sort of awkward, the awkwardness became comfortable, and I appreciated that stretching element of the trip. But now, everybody here, pretty much, really is white. And it's wierd. I am continuing to struggle with the balance between celebrating our differences - racial and otherwise - without turning them into something that divides us.
2. Licking Mayonaise - First, mayo is disgusting, so no - I have not been licking mayonaise. But, yesterday before heading to coach, I had some free time and, in an effort to take better care of myself mentallly, I figured I'd just watch t.v. for a bit instead of doing something productive. Since I don't have real cable, my options were limited to c-span and the Tyra Banks show. So, I watched Tyra Banks pay a man $10 to lick mayonaise, then pay a woman $10 to lick the 4th floor men's room plunger. Really?! (I sometimes wonder why I admit to these things online..) But, sitting there watching it, besides being absolutely disgusted by mayonaise and plungers and the fact that people will lick them for $10, I had an "oh shoot" sort of moment. I spent last week doing and learning and growing so much, that to come back is always tough becuase, even if you are doing something other than watching people lick gross things on t.v., you feel like you are significantly less productive than you had previously been. And that sucks.
3. "Getting It" - This falls, I guess, halfway between the "good things" list and the "challenges" list. It is always difficult after experiences such as last week to talk to people about it because, even with all the time and a huge vocabulary, it is still hard to communicate to others what you experienced and were challenged by. Additionally, when people have not been adequately prepped to deal with some of those challenges (ie: the fact that it is widely believed that levees were bombed to hurt the poor-who are primarily black, and save the rich, who are primarily white), they are less than thrilled to talk with you about it or to hear it. So, that is the frustrating part. However, the "good things" part of this is two-fold. First, having the blog for people to help experience things as I did, so there is a reference point for post-trip conversations, has been really helpful. Second, I cannot say enough how thankful I am for my field coordinator and supervisor who (have both been to New Orleans in the same area and "get it") have both had ridiculously long meetings with me this week to help me process and make sense of the week, and helped me find ways to answer the "what now?"
And..the "what now?" As I figured, one of the biggest challenges and frustrations about coming back is the "what now" question about what to do with what I have learned and how to keep the momentum going. Here are a couple of ways I am answering that, and I am totally open to some more (s'more?) if you have them.
-More Writing! After coming home I contacted a few journals - both Christian-based and Social Work-based about writing an article for them, which would be a really meaningful way for me to be able to share with others. On a side note, I am not entirely sure that I can condense anything into 1500-2500 words..puh-lease.
-VAN! - One thing I did while I was there was take a sort of informal assessment of how LKNB could continue serving St. John's and their community and it quickly became obvious that additional transportation for their programming would be beneficial and safer for all involved. We don't have any concrete plans yet about what we (LKNB) are going to do, but rest assured, I would love your support in the future in making this happen.
-Turtled in New Orleans v2.0? I am considering going back this fall for round two, this time to focus on the HIV/AIDS program. I had some incredible learning experiences in the short time I worked in that program during this trip, but I think some of the unsettling feelings that I have now are due to that stone being only partially overturned. As "oh shoot" of a moment as it was to sit with people waiting to hear their status, it was really powerful and it is really important work, especially in a community that doesn't quite understand the virus and how to deal with it.
-Commitment to Continuance - Although I am not entirely sure I will be able to continue growing in leaps and bounds in some of the ways I did while i was there, I don't want to lose momentum of the things I have started to think about, so bring on the reading, movies, music, and experiences that will continue to make me uncomfortable and make me think. I am always taking multi-media suggestions for this (and because I choose terrible movies to watch anyway...).
I guess that is all for now. There might be more, and if/when I go again and/or we have a more concrete transportation project plan, I will update on how people can contribute to that.
And, again, thanks to everyone for bearing with me during this week and continuing to help me work through things...
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