Family, Stories, and Things to keep you awake at night...

So today isn't over yet, but I have internet access so am updating the blog while I can. This stuff is crazy. I spent the day at the summer day camp program run coordinated by St. John #5. (Which is just a few blocks from the Owens St. house I worked on in January!) It is housed in a double shot-gun house. For those who aren't familiar, a shotgun house is a house that is about as wide as a single car garage, and just goes back a couple of rooms. There are no hallways, it just goes from one room to the next through different doorways all the way back. The city is full of single and double shotgun houses, and our program is housed in a double. There are classrooms for 4&5 year olds, 1st&2nd graders, 3rd&4th graders, and older kids. I was in the 4&5 year old room today because there are a bunch of them and they are, to say the least, rambunctious. But also, endearingly cute, welcoming, and friendly. When I got there this morning, the kids had finished breakfast and were working on some academic things. A lot of schools in the city aren't what they should be, and kids will lose what they have learned during the summer if they don't get some reinforcement. We did a few counting worksheets, some letter flashcards, and then they sang songs for me, and reminded me why 4&5 year olds are just precious. After that was outside play time, which happens in the small front yard in front of the house. We played some frisbee, attempted a little jumprope, and one of the older guys tried to coordinate a little football in the street. We then came in for lunch, some stories, and then we packed a lot of people into the church's van and headed to City Park for ice cream. By the time we got back, it was time for the kids to head home. All in all, a crazy, but fun and enjoyable day. Now for some of that good "reflection" stuff people like...in no particular order, with no editing..

-Judgment: One of the things we talk about a TON at social work school is judgment. By our nature, most people think that the way we do things is the best way - obviously, or you wouldn't do it that way. So, even if we might be open to trying new things, or ways of doing something, generally, we like to do things our way and have a hard time really believing something else might work just as well. Related to this idea, we also talk a lot at school about the idea that people are experts of their own lives. All the textbook reading and schooling in the world will not tell me someone else's story or how to "fix" things in their life. Generally, even if people are ill-equipped, ill-prepared, or just not interested in making changes in their lives, they usually know how to work to make changes and solve their problems. All of this being said, today in particular was a day for me to work on my own open-mindedness. It is quite a nice, warm-fuzzy sort of thing to talk the talk about believing people to be their own experts and about being open- minded, but it is something totally different to actually engage in a day's activities without passing judgement or thinking about how things could or should be done differently. But alas, part of the reason I am here in the first place is to work on my social work "toolbelt." So, I decided VERY early on today that it was just going to be a day of participation. I observed what the other teachers in the program were doing and followed suit. Even with the endless amount of time I spent learning how to be a teacher - aquiring both academic and behavior management skills - I just followed suit, trying to trust the decisions and plan of the people running the program. At times, it was frustrating, because it is tough to get 4&5 year old kids to sit still, and there might have been something else we could do to pass the time or get them settled down, but mostly, it wasn't so bad. It was a sort of other-worldly experience to put yourself in a place where you just follow suit and go with the flow. This all was made especially true after having JUST spent a week in a place where I am totally in my element, know what is going on, and make programming decisions however I want.

However, despite some of the work it took to just let things go on without walking in as a presumptious person assuming I could do it better, it was a good day, and my letting go of controlling some of those things allowed me to think about some other stuff. For example, does it really matter how much structure or academic progress there is for the kids who are in the program? or do they really just need to know that they are safe and loved, the rest being icing on the cake? So, within the bounds of the program, I just spent the day loving on kids, having fun, and trying to get my bearings.

It's funny because I had figured this trip would be a little disorienting, hence again the title of the whole blog project in the first place. But dang, sometimes, as you might know, I am a control freak for schedules. I like datebooks at work, spreadsheets at camp, or at least some idea of what is happening each day. Today, and probably for the entire week, I have surrendered that, more because I had to than anything else. I think God enjoys it, but I don't. I am getting over it, but arriving at a program to help out today was challenging because I didn't really ever know what was going on. However, I am hopeful for tomorrow because, now that I at least have some sort of a clue about the kids, workers, and flow involved in the program, I might be able to have myself together enough to watch for the "teachable" and "social work" moments that might arise. (Process recording??)

In addition to my time with the kids today, there are some other things that I should share.

Katrina - First, I continue to be surprised, though I shouldn't be, that people are still so affected by Katrina and its aftermath. Everywhere we go around the city, they are still demolishing schools, housing projects, churches, and other buildings - some of which were damaged and haven't been rebuilt, and others just as lame political moves that I continue to be confused and angered about. As is often true, though, seeing these buildings go down has a lot more meaning when you get to know the people of whose lives they have been a part. People at the program today still are talking about difficulties they are having or did have with getting their home back together, and yesterday a woman talked about a man who died from the stress of trying to get back into his home again. He was working on it, but just couldn't take the stress of having no place to call home anymore. And yet, (and this is a huge reason why I am mesmorized by this city and its people), they are still here...working, serving, and getting things done.

Family-I heard one of the women today say that if Katrina-level flooding happened again, she wouldn't come back. A few others started to agree before saying that they would leave, but wouldn't know where to go. Families here are different than in upstate New York and probably a lot of other places. Often, families that live in poverty, as many New Orleanians do, are relatively transient. They do not stay connected with different generations and often move around from city to city. But here, it's different. Most of the people I have talked with have huge families, and are within a stone's throw of a family member's home. They get together often - and I am thinking that family connectedness is a big factor in people's ability to move on after things like Katrina. It seems as though every kid I met today was somebody's cousin, and every woman over 30 is "Auntie" someone. Even if they are not all blood relatives, it seems to create a close "it takes a village to raise a child" sort of community feeling. So, again - different sometimes is better if we can restrain our own ideas long enough to see someone else's.

-The Power of One-So here are some thoughts to challenge and keep you awake tonight. One of the things I continue to grapple with here is what I can do that will actually make a difference. I think sometimes it gets really overwhelming, especially in a city tearing down low income housing and now being plagued by this oil ridiculousness, to think about doing anything that matters. So what do I do? Become a politician, only not a terrible, immoral one like a lot of the politicians are here? But if I did that, A - I would not be able to wear gym shorts often enough, and B - I would again be someone coming in to "save the day" FOR someone, instead of working WITH someone to empower them to help themselves. I know that growing up my mom always told me I couldn't save the world, but just needed to do what I could in my corner of it. So, if we all did our part, then great things could happen. But, here's the other problem - social work school also tells me that it isn't my job to "fix" things FOR people, but to work with them to give them tools to make their own changes as they see fit. Additionally, one of the reasons that I started this blog business in the first place was to do my part to publicize and share the stories of people and a community that often feel and are forgotten, neglected, and misunderstood. But last night, I sort of had a revelation, that was good, I think, but sort of annoying because I am not entirely sure what to do with it. Here's the thing: Miss Audrey's story isn't my story to tell. It's hers. And maybe my job here isn't so much about telling other's stories to people that I know, but maybe it's just taking the time to hear someone else's story, and maybe, that's enough. Maybe it isnt - but what good is a nice, new, affordable place to live if you aren't emotionally stable to last for the long haul anyway? One of the things I have done some research and writing on is using Narrative Therapy, which is an approach to help people re-frame their experiences in strengths-based, less traumatizing ways. They still own their experiences, but it helps them to see it through another lense, ideally one that is a little more peaceful, and enables them to move forward. So, while I am trying to let some of these opportunities unfold organically, and watching for them when I am oriented enough to do so, I am hoping to get some time this week to really just sit and listen to stories, and hoping that in doing that, people are empowered and left with a little bit more peace.

All of that in mind, I'll head back to the summer camp program tomorrow I think, and am hoping to do some work with the HIV/AIDS outreach program that the church also coordinates. Now, if the camp program hasn't just about turtled me, I am quite sure the AIDS outreach will. But, your prayers and support are helpful and encouraging and I am grateful to know that I'm not on this journey entirely alone.

I think that is about it for today. Sorry if it is long, but the writing isn't for you, as much as it is for me and my processing...though I do appreciate that people are reading and commenting: ). I'm not really sure when I will be back to an internet-able location to update, but hopefully soon.