"Everybody Here White"

So minus the fact that I lost my phone this afternoon and am sort of freaking out about it, okay maybe a lot freaking out about it, today actually wasn't too overwhelming or exciting, which is probably good because yesterday so so intense and again, the phone. But, here we go...

[If you didn't read Wednesday's blog, please do. I had to write it on Word last night and post it this afternoon because the day was sooo packed that there was no cafe time in the schedule. We didn't even eat dinner until past my bedtime.]

I headed over to the camp this morning, sort of hoping for an easier day. When I got there, the kids had just finished breakfast so we did some academic stuff for a little while - ohh letter flashcards, then some coloring before going outside for a bit. A lot of the same observations - the kids really struggle with effective ways of getting what they want. There are a few in particular who just start this whining cry sort of thing when they don't get what they want and there was quite a bit of that going on today. We went back in and read a few books before an early lunch. It was during this time that I got today's title. Out of nowhere, one of the kids looks at me and goes "everybody here white." Now, some of them are not the best at anunciating their words and it was so out of nowhere, and made so little sense that I looked at her and said "what?" To which she repeated "everybody here white." Now, if you have not yet gathered-everybody there definitely isn't white. The only white people around during the day are myself, a woman here for a few weeks also connected through Ithaca and LKNB, and another young woman my age who is here for the year, but from Ithaca. Other than that, the 98% white statistic still rings true. Mostly, it was just a sort of entertaining and random saying from a kid who hadn't really put much thought into what she was saying. But, as I have been reflecting on race issues some this week, I read into it a little more than that. Last night when we were talking, Bruce and I talked about the white/black blend in the area, or lackthereof. It was interesting because he said he was really grateful for anyone who could be a good influence in the kids lives, and that it was good for the kids to learn early on that not all white people are out to get them. So, even though she really wasn't thinking when she said it, it was just another reminder of the odd circumstance of my whiteness in this very dark-skinned community and continued turning my brain over with thoughts about how much and why that even matters. But really - tell me if Jesus sees black and white when he sees things like this...





After lunch - Pool time! Now, you haven't truly lived unless you have jumped in a very full inner city pool. Haha. Kids EVERYWHERE. We have a lot of little kids and a lot that can't swim, so we took tons of little kid inflatable rings and swimmies (remember those!?) and hoped for the best. One of the kids, who is supercute and has a real good nature to him, played with me for most of the time. I let him jump off me, swung him around, and pretty much burnt off the amount of calories in the huge cookie I am eating at the cafe right now. Again, if it were just me, despite the million degree heat, I probably wouldn't have found the city pool to be the height of excitement for an activity, but a lot of the kids don't get out a lot, and they had fun. Also, with my ridiculous amount of time having been spent in the pool growing up, I think swimming is a really necessary skill for kids to have, and every tool that we can give these kids is just one more rung in the ladder that will get them up into a good life. I hope so at least, and I guess if I didn't believe that, I wouldn't be here in the first place. When swimming was over, we went back to the camp and (while I was searching semi-frantically for my long-lost phone) the kids got dressed then headed home. That was pretty much the day in a nutshell.

Thoughts on the day...not a ton like yesterday..but a few.

First - What I really want to do is go to Panera bread and have Paul make me a coffee that isn't gross. I am not really that picky when it comes to coffee - all I want is a drink that tastes more like chocolate than coffee. But here, every drink I have gotten is gross.

Next - While sitting in the million degree heat today waiting to leave after losing my phone, I realized how grateful I am for the people who have been my support system while I have been here. I was thinking some about it last night too and realized that if I tried to name everyone, I wouldn't be able to, especially because all of this has been a long-time coming and a lot of people have helped me get to a place where I was ready - tangibly and personally - to really take in all of this, experience it, be challenged by it, and learn from it. I just know that I have been really blessed by having a family that supports my antics traveling everywhere whenever I suddenly up and decide God wants me to go, and a school program with staff and an internship supervisor who have really gone the extra mile setting up this internship for me and agreeing to let me go 1300 miles from home, to the middle of a big, troubled city, to live and work with people I hardly know. I know that I have changed and learned more than I even will realize for a long time, and am really humbled by it and grateful for it.

Lastly, for now - the big frustration that I am dealing with now is two-fold but related. First, I don't know what to DO with all of this. I mean, it is good for others to read, appreciate, and learn from my musings on the blog, but I have been totally changed, and am seeing the world in a way very different from how I have seen it before. I have learned a lot of really important lessons, and started asking some really difficult and complex questions. All of this is good, but now what? I think we all learn these things about people and God and life when the timing and situation is right, but then what? I don't know and it is annoying.

Second, as I am already thinking about leaving tomorrow, I HATE the ending of experiences like this, and am sure that the let-down at the end of this one will be far more severe than many others. I remember when I came back to school from Katrina Relief round #1 in Mississippi and just feeling really empty. I remember thinking to myself "last week I did work that helped 10 people get back into their homes, and this week I am sitting in class learning history dates I will never remember. Why am I even here right now?" It was really difficult for a few weeks go from a place of feeling like "Yea! I am using my life well" to the mundane schedule of classes again. And now, I am going home after having learned and experienced so much, and even though I have been overwhelmed, it has been really good. Although, in a very cliche way, I am sure I have gained more from this trip than I have given, I think I have done some good work here, and I am going to miss really effective love time with people when I get home. I guess, if nothing else, (and I can't believe I am saying this) it is going to be really good motivation for me to really put an honest effort into my schoolwork, including reading the articles and textbook assignments well, doing a little extra research, and allowing myself to be engaged as I integrate my street-smarts and my book-smarts to make this social work thing work out. I am sure the flight home tomorrow will bring some more thoughts..and maybe a plan to figure out how/when to work out the "Turtled in Haiti" experience...



For now... It is only a little after 5:00pm, NOLA time, and because we are often on the non-plan plan here, God only knows what is in store for later...